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Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am having a problem. I am the youngest child for my parents, and I have done very well in school.

I don't need anything, but I am just tired of staying home. Although I am 21, I am not as free as other people my age. My father doesn't even want anybody to visit me. So, recently, I got involved with a married man who is treating me very well. I am ashamed to tell you that he is the same age as my father.

This man took my virginity, and he is encouraging me to leave home and he will pay my rent. I told my mother that I am leaving, and she told me that I should remember that when I leave, I should not come back. I told her that I will not. This man has got me a job at a gas station and promised to buy me a car, so I am learning to drive.

I find myself doing crazy things. Every girl wants to have children, but I don't. I do not get along with my sister, but I get along with my three brothers, and I told them that I was going to leave home. But they do not know that it is this man who is planning to pay my rent. I told this man that I would like to get a visa and go away, but he told me that this is not the time that a young person should plan to go abroad, and he does not want to lose me.

I know I should not be having a relationship with a married man, but since I have been working at the gas station, I have met many men, and most of them are always inviting me out. But my boyfriend always comes by as soon as it is time for me to leave work. I don't know what I have got myself into.

I have seven CSEC passes. I would like to attend university. I used to be a very shy person, but not since I have been working. Do you think I should allow this man to pay my rent? If I go and live on my own, I would want one of my brothers to stay there with me because I am not going to live with my boyfriend - he has his wife.

Do you think that I am a bad girl? I would love to get your advice.

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

I know that you are not a bad girl and you were a good student. You have done very well in school.

At the age of 21, however, you should have already been in college, and your father should have tried to encourage you instead of cursing and treating you as if you were a child.

How did you meet this married man? You must have come to the place where you decided to rebel. I cannot encourage you to allow this man to pay your rent. You should stay at home, and by doing so, you would save money. You might not be able to attend university, but you should be able to become a student at HEART/NSTA Trust. You should contact the institution right away. You would be making a big mistake to leave home and have this married man be fully responsible for you, because if he is going to pay your rent, he will fully take charge of you and try to control your life.

I do not know how much you earn now and whether you will be given time from your job to attend HEART, but please discuss with the officials there what you would like to study, and I am sure that everything will work out much better for you. The sooner you end the relationship with this married man, the better it will be for you. Out of desperation, you got involved with him, but I cannot encourage you to continue with such a relationship.

Pastor