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Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about a problem that I do not know how to deal with it.

I am a 29-year-old woman and I am having a relationship with a man who is 30. We attended university together. He is not Jamaican, but I have always loved him. I have a very close friend who loved him too and we were in competition to see which one of us he would choose. After we graduated, this guy decided that he would not go back to his home island, so he started to look around for an apartment. I was sharing a room with another girl and one weekend this guy came to stay with me at my invitation. The girl I was sharing with had gone to the country to spend the weekend with her family.

My flesh got in the way and we had sex. He had the biggest penis I had ever seen. When he was finished with me, I could hardly walk. I said to myself, 'Well, if I was able to manage this man, I could never allow him to leave me and go to my friend'. So I did everything to encourage the relationship that I developed with him. But every time we had sex, I ended up in pain. My girlfriend and I were close enough for me to confide in her. So I told her that I had intercourse with the guy and she shocked me by telling me that she too gave him a chance and she would never do so again because he is too large. I was disappointed in her to know that this guy got both of us. But, at the same time, I lost respect for him because I realised that he did not mean me any good. He just wanted my body. My girlfriend asked if I would continue the relationship with him, and I told her no. But this man has now found his own apartment and wants us to live together. He is even talking about us getting married.

I want to ask him about my friend with whom he had sex with but she does not want me to let him know that she told me. I am wondering what to do. I have never been a 'play around' girl. I lost my virginity on my 17th birthday, and I kept that boyfriend until he joined his parents in America. When I gave away my virginity, I never felt the type of pain that I am having with this guy. He is large, but I want to get married and have a child before I am much older. I would like to hear your opinion.

J.S.

Dear J.S,

In my opinion, he must have felt that he was the most fortunate man to go to bed with two lovely Jamaican women who were in love with him.

He did not have to fight to go to bed with either of you. Both of you gave him the pudding without a fight, and then both of you told each other what you experienced with this man. You discovered that he was very gifted, and you have talked about it as if you had no shame.

Your girlfriend says she doesn't want him. She can't stand the load, but you are saying that you would like to get married. So you think that you should discuss with him how disappointed you are to know that he had sex with your friend. It is totally up to you to let this man know that your girlfriend told you that they had sex. But please understand that if both of you decide to share a house, he may occasionally go back to your girlfriend and have sex with her. He is probably not the type of man who would stay with one woman, so expect anything from him.

Pastor