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Dear Pastor,

I am in my 40s, and I am asking you to grant a favour. I was once married, but my wife and I did not get along, so we got a divorce.

My wife had a son before we were married and he was very rude to me. Whenever I spoke to him, he hissed his teeth, and whenever I corrected him, he told me that I was not his father.

His mother told me that I should learn to understand because the boy didn't mean anything. I told her that she should join me in correcting him because he was living in my house, and I am the head of the house.

He told me that his mother made a mistake in marrying me. The boy was sitting at my table and eating the fruits of my labour. His mother used to work, but she did not bring in much. The boy was 18. He used to go out and come home whenever he felt like. I could not put up with it, so I told him that he would have to leave. His mother asked me where he was going to go, and I told her she would have to find a place for him as I could not have him living in my house and disrespecting me. One day he called to say that he was living with his father's relatives. His mother was not pleased. She told him to come back to my place and I told her that she would have to leave as well because I do not want him in my house.

My wife stopped cooking for me and the relationship broke down. I allowed her to do her thing until I could not keep up with it. I decided to see a lawyer and my wife and I agreed to go our separate ways. I was able to keep my house because it is mine. She brought only a few pieces of furniture into this house. When I met this woman, she was so lovely. I thought that we would live until death, but she put her son over me, and the boy was rude and out of order. But I have found another woman; she is older than I am but we believe that we are in love, and we want to get married.

This woman has never married. She has her own home. All I need from her is comfort. I can tell you that she is a great cook and she keeps a clean house. I can't desire more.

My pastor said I would be committing adultery if I got married to this woman because my wife is still alive. I asked my pastor how that could be as she is no longer my wife. He told me that although I am divorced, she remains my wife until she dies. Is that so?

G.R.

Dear G.R.,

Your former wife was very arrogant. She should have known that it was wrong for her not to correct her son when he was rude to you.

On the other hand, this woman and you should have had premarital counselling. The matter of your stepson would have been discussed and the counsellor would have told you how to deal with conflicts. This guy was in his teens and he needed guidance, but his mother was to blame for the things he said to you freely.

I am not surprised that his behaviour caused your wife and you to get a divorce, but your wife should take the blame, and regardless of what your pastor is saying, she is no longer your wife. According to the Bible, the marriage is broken and you are free to remarry. Now, I know that many people will disagree with me, but I consider their position wrong, and they would consider mine wrong as well. But divorce means that the marriage has ended. The marriage is legally ended.

This woman that you have met and with whom you believe that you are in love, is older than you, and she has never been married. I believe that she would give this relationship her best shot. Your pastor is married and, excuse my language,he is just running his mouth without using knowledge. Get married and enjoy your woman. You will not be doing anything wrong.

Pastor