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Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I had a relationship with a man who is my age. We were living together for two years, but I had to end the relationship with him and return to my parents' home.

I trusted this man. I gave him everything that I had. He is from a poor family like me, but I can say his parents are poorer than mine. When we decided to live together, he brought all that he owned in a scandal bag. He had three briefs, two shirts and one pair of jeans. When I asked him when he was going to get the rest of his clothes, he said that is all he had, and he and his brother used to wear each other's clothes. I said in my mind "Ok, I will work with this man." So I bought some shirts and briefs for him. I called people who I know and begged them to help him; and he got a job.

This man felt so comfortable that he started to lie and cheat. He got involved with one of my neighbours and impregnated her. He had told her that we were just cousins and there was nothing between us. The girl was so stupid and naive that she believed him. He convinced her to have sex with him. I was so embarrassed. I packed the few things that he had here and told him to leave. He said he did not have anywhere to go.

One day when he left for work, I stayed home and I called a locksmith and changed the locks on the front and back doors. The house is not mine, but I asked the landlord for permission to change the locks. When he asked me why, I told him that my boyfriend and I were breaking up, so I didn't want him to have access to the house. The landlord told me that he has two daughters and he likes the position that I took. He allowed me to change the locks and to kick this man out.

This guy now calls me every day begging for forgiveness. But I cannot forgive this man knowing that I have tried to help him. He said it is the girl who came by the house and told him that she saw him every day and liked him, then they got involved. I gave up the apartment and I am back at my parents' home. I have learnt that sometimes girls should not be sorry for some men. I am very thankful to God that this man did not get me pregnant. He has no ambition.

The girl who is pregnant for him has become my good friend; she calls me sometimes. She told that me she is not getting anything from him for the child. I told her to take him to court because he is working. Sometimes when I look back, I ask myself what got into me why I got into a relationship with this cruff. I didn't have to, but I thought I was in love with him.

L.T.

Dear L.T.,

You made a mistake when you agreed to live with this man. I understand that he has come from a very poor background. A man can have a humble beginning, but he should have pride.

He should always speak the truth. He was comfortable living with you. You cleaned him up and dressed him but this girl in the neighbourhood saw him and loved him. He lied to the poor girl, who was indeed very naive, and he got her pregnant. What he did was enough for you to kick him out of the house and your life. Such a man did not deserve your mercy.

You were quite correct in advising the young woman to take him to court for maintenance. He should be made to support his child according to law. I caution you to be much more careful with the type of man you become sexually involved with. Try and have a man with high standards; someone in whom you can be proud. Please don't throw your money around to men. You will be 30 years old soon, so you need to save your money and purchase a home. Also, remember that you must put away some money for a rainy day.

Pastor