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Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and have been living with my uncle and his wife since I was 10. They have two children, but I call my uncle's wife 'Mommy' and I call my uncle Daddy'.

People often say I resemble my uncle, who is my mother's brother.

My uncle is strict but has never beaten me. If I did something wrong, he would firmly correct me. Once, my aunt beat me, and my uncle was very angry. He told her she needed the beating, not me, and warned her never to hit me again.

She told my uncle he wasn't talking like a father--he was behaving as if he was sexing me. My uncle became furious and almost grabbed her, but she ran outside and stayed out for a long time. When she came back, he questioned me in her presence, asking if he had ever touched me inappropriately. I told him no. He said she had a filthy mouth and mind.

I have never had sexual intercourse with anyone. My aunt later said she was upset because my uncle told her she had no right to beat me and didn't understand why she couldn't discipline me.

I have no hard feelings toward my aunt. She has been a good mother to me--she helped me get into university and even bought me a computer I needed.

I don't like seeing them argue over me. In two years, I will graduate, and my uncle encourages me to pursue my master's degree and avoid distractions like boyfriends, saying I am still young and attractive.

I have become a Christian, and many of the guys I meet at school only want sex--they aren't ambitious. After I graduate, I don't plan to live with my uncle and aunt any more. I hope to get a good job, have my own place, and take my mother to live with me. She is still living in the ghetto, and it depresses me whenever I visit. She is with a man who can't help himself much.

A.

Dear A.,

Your uncle's wife disrespected him when she accused him of having an inappropriate relationship with you. It is understandable why he lost his temper.

When a woman makes such a serious accusation, it often means she has harboured those thoughts for a long time and was waiting for a chance to express them. I am glad your uncle didn't physically hurt her--and that she was wise enough to leave the house in that moment.

Please focus on doing your best in university. After graduation, do not be in too much of a hurry to move out. Setting up a home on your own is expensive. You won't just have to pay rent; you'll need to buy furniture and appliances, and those things are costly. Take your time and save.

When you start earning, consider giving your mother a little financial help every month.

Pastor