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Dear Pastor,

I am a man who has always listened to you on the radio. You have not changed.

I first started reading your column because of my girlfriend. She bought the newspaper every day. When we began living together, she would shower first, and I couldn't touch her until she had read every word you wrote. We would often have disagreements if I didn't allow her to finish reading your column, so that we could discuss what you had said.

Unfortunately, our relationship ended when she travelled to North America and overstayed her time there. Encouraged by her relatives, she decided to remain overseas. She eventually got married, and I moved on and got involved with another woman.

I truly loved that woman because she was a natural woman - she didn't wear heavy make-up and always dressed modestly. We loved each other deeply. I knew she intended to return to me in Jamaica, but her relatives told her I had nothing to offer, which was true at the time. But she didn't have much, either. We were just young people trying our best together.

A couple of weeks ago, to my surprise, I heard from her. She told me that even though our relationship didn't work out, I have always remained in her heart. Now that she is legally in the USA, she would like to come back to me. She wants to know if I would accept her and forgive her for listening to her relatives.

It is difficult for me to decide what to do. I didn't ask her how many men she has been with since we parted, but she admitted she had to sleep with a few men who helped her; two of them were married. However, she told me she stayed away from their family life and never went to their homes. She also said she has bought a small place of her own and is struggling to pay the mortgage. She is suggesting we get married and pick up where we left off.

I cannot deny that I have thought about her often over the years. Since she left Jamaica, I have fathered two children - a girl and a boy. She, on the other hand, has never had a child, even though she had affairs. I can't help but wonder if something is wrong. When we were together, we did not always use protection, yet she never became pregnant. And now, after all these years in North America, she still has no children.

The mother of my children here in Jamaica is not marriage material. She likes to go out, and she is very loud. I have spoken to her several times about her behaviour, but she continues to act in a way I consider unbecoming.

My former girlfriend is waiting for me to tell her whether I have forgiven her for everything that happened between us. She is hoping I can forgive her for the men she was involved with and the things she had to do to get her permanent stay.

You are a wise man, so I am turning to you for advice.

- S.D.

Dear S.D.,

You will have to make your own decision about the way forward. You said that you will not marry the woman you are presently living with, as she cannot walk in the shoes of your former woman.

Long-distance relationship doesn't always survive, and this lady who went abroad did not come back, although that was not in her original plan. I am not surprised that she became sexually involved with other men as she tried to get permanent residency status.

She has admitted to you that she still loves you and would like both of you to forgive each other and get married.

This woman has done well. Evidently, she did not waste her money. She has been able to purchase a house. She needs to be congratulated. There are many Jamaicans who have been living in North America for years and they have not been able to buy a house. So she needs to be commended.

Do you have the courage to forgive this woman for what happened between the both of you? She made mistakes, but you have made mistakes, too. Do you love her and want her back?

You did not get her pregnant when both of you lived together. Although she has played around with different men, she never got pregnant. I don't know your age and I don't know this woman's age, but if you would like to forgive her, you should tell your present girlfriend that you cannot continue with her. However, please tell her the reason why you have to leave her.

If your former love is coming back, as soon as she gets to Jamaica, both of you should go and see a counsellor before you make wedding plans. I know some people would not agree that you should end the relationship with your children's mother, but you know what you know, and nobody should try and tell you what to do.

- Pastor