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Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your help. I am 24 years old and I have a child for a man whom I met when I was 20 years old. I was working at the time, but when I became pregnant I was not keeping good health so I had to quit my job. Now that I am working again and I am trying to get back in shape, he is accusing me of having a relationship with my work supervisor.

He is very jealous. He comes to my workplace in the evenings, parks his car near the entrance, and waits for me to finish work. I've told him that his actions embarrass me, but he just brushes it off, saying I must have plans to go out, and that's why I'm fussing. The truth is, I have no plans to go out. One day, I was so upset that I told him that if I ever decided to cheat on him, he wouldn't know. Sometimes I feel regretful that I'm living with this man.

I feel so tied down.

My mother is retired and I am paying her $10,000 weekly to take care of the baby. This man wants us to pick up the baby every evening from my mother, but sometimes she wants to keep the baby for a few days to give me a break. He thinks I'm asking for too much freedom, but I'm often exhausted.

He doesn't help at all with anything at home. When I come home from work, he expects me to cook, but never offers to assist. If I cook for two days in a row, he complains about eating food that's been stored in the refrigerator.

I know guys who like me, but I have never gone out with them. Sometimes some of my co-workers and I go for lunch at a nearby restaurant, but we are back at work on time. I have not accepted gifts from my peers because I would not be able to take these gifts home. The man is so jealous. I wonder how you feel about what I am saying to you.

I know I cannot marry this man unless he changes radically. I am happy for our son, but I do not want to have another child for this man. What can I do to help him overcome what I call his jealousy disease? Am I right to refer to it as a disease?

- T.G,

Dear T.G,

Studies have shown that jealousy is not a medical illness, but it can definitely feel overwhelming at times. It is a normal human emotion that often comes up when someone feels insecure, threatened, or like their needs are not being met.

Most people experience jealousy occasionally, especially in relationships or competitive situations.

However, if jealousy becomes constant, controlling, or harmful, it might point to deeper emotional struggles such as anxiety, low self-worth, or even certain mental health conditions.

The question is why is it that your child's father is reacting as if he feels that you are seeing other men? The answer may be that he feels insecure. The fact that you are working and you are back to your normal weight might cause him to believe that other men are going to take you away from him. I want you to know that it s not unusual or abnormal for men, who have attractive women to feel insecure.

Your mother is happy to have your baby, but to your man he feels that you leave the child with her because you want time to go out with other men.

If you want to stay with this man and you have expressed your disgust. Even if you do not want to stay with him, you should encourage him to seek the help of a psychologist because he might need therapy to overcome his jealously, especially if it has become chronic.

This man may have low self-esteem. The therapist will be able to help him build self esteem. Instead of getting angry with this man and telling him to get over his nonsense, try to communicate with him very softly and assure him that you still love him.

- Pastor