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Dear Pastor,

I am a 44-year-old man. I've never been married, but I'm the father of three children -- two boys and one girl.

It was my intention to marry the mother of my sons, but our relationship went sour and we eventually went our separate ways. Despite that, I have always supported my boys, and we share a strong father-son bond.

Later on, I got involved with another woman, and she became pregnant. However, she didn't want anyone to know that I was the father. Instead, she gave the child to her boyfriend, and he raised her as his own. As the child grew older, it became clear that she looked like me.

Eventually, the man began to question why the child bore no resemblance to him, so they did a DNA test. The results proved he wasn't the biological father.

Since then, I've stepped up and started supporting my daughter, who is now in college. I told her mother that the girl doesn't need to take my last name. I figured it's best to leave things as they are. When she gets married she'll likely take her husband's name anyway.

I don't blame her mother for what happened. We were both young, and she was going through a rough time in her relationship. She shared her troubles with me, and I offered her financial help. In return, we became intimate. I should have been more careful and used protection, but I didn't, and that's how my daughter came to be.

My two sons know they have a sister, and they stay in touch with her regularly.

For the past three years I've been attending church, and I've turned over a new leaf. I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who treats me very well. She's highly educated and doesn't have children, but she says she'd love to have at least one. She's a great dancer and enjoys cooking--whenever I visit, we spend time dancing and enjoying each other's company. Her father is a property developer and he gifted her an apartment of her own.

I would love to marry her, but there's one issue: she refuses to attend church. I've invited her many times, but she always says she doesn't believe in it and thinks pastors just want people's money. That's something she can't support.

I really love this woman, and I feel it's time for me to settle down. She is 33 years old and seems ready for a future together. But I'm torn, because my spiritual life is important to me now.

Please, help me make a decision. What should I do?

J.T.

Dear J.T.,

I wish I could just tell you to follow your heart, but I cannot, because I know that the Bible says two can't walk together unless they have the same goals and objective, and unless they believe in God.

This young woman has made it clear to you that she does not believe in church. She gave you a stupid reason. She said that she does not want any minister to spend her money. Some people really and truly believe that when they attend church, all the collection go into the pocket of the minister. You might be surprise that when expenses are taken out from the offerings, nothing much is left to support the minister. That is why so many ministers are employed in secular work.

The Apostle Paul said he did not want anybody to accuse him of living off the Christians in his day. So, although he was a very educated man, he engaged himself in secular work from early in the morning until afternoon.

Have you not seen that many ministers are teachers in high school? They are guidance councillors. The offering of the church cannot support them. But let me leave that alone.

Don't force this woman to attend church. You love her, but you must love God more. You are enjoying the relationship you have with her, but remember that you are responsible for your life, so don't allow this woman to lead you to Hell.

Pastor