ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I'm reaching out to you for advice because I've found myself reflecting on some difficult experiences from my past. I'm currently in my mid-20s and living in the United States, but I spent most of my life in Jamaica.

Back home, I got involved with a man under circumstances that weren't ideal. My family was struggling financially, and with little support, I had to learn how to hustle to help take care of myself and my mother.

This man was married and living with his wife at the time. Their relationship deteriorated after he discovered that she had been unfaithful. He reacted violently, beating her and putting her out of their home. Her family eventually stepped in and took her back in, though she later tried - unsuccessfully - to reconcile with him.

After that, I got involved with him. He provided for me financially and laid out certain expectations about what he wanted and didn't want from me - and I followed them, as I felt I had no other option. He bought me expensive jewellery and made sure I could go to the hairdresser regularly and get my nails done. In many ways, he took care of my physical needs.

One day, he told me he wanted to experience a threesome. I was naive at the time and didn't even know what he meant. He explained and then asked me if I had a female friend who could spend the weekend with us.

I told him that while I had plenty of female friends, I wasn't comfortable with the idea of involving any of them in our intimate life. He explained what a threesome really meant - having both of us in bed with another woman - and said it was something he wanted to try.

I told him that if he wanted to be with another woman, I would prefer to stay in a different room while he did what he wanted. But he insisted that it had to be a threesome involving all three of us together.

I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I didn't say anything right away, but eventually, he brought it up again. This time, he said he would give one of my girlfriends $20,000 if she agreed to join us in bed.

So, I called one of my friends, someone I knew was going through a very rough time financially. I asked if she wanted to come stay with me for a bit. I told her about the house I was living in, and she seemed excited - she said she would love to spend even one night in a place like that.

Then I told her what the real arrangement would involve - that she would have to sleep with my boyfriend. Her response was, "For real?" And I said yes.

I told her about the amount of money that we would give to her. Everything was planned. This girl came from the Friday evening and did not leave until Monday because she had to go to a little job in a supermarket.

My boyfriend cooked up a storm the Friday evening and she enjoyed herself. We did not do anything for a number of hours, except to watch movies. And then my boyfriend had a bath and this girl and I showered. I was still scared. This girl was braver than me, but sir, we spent the evening together. We had sex and plenty of it too.

I was sure that this man had used something to be able to have sex with me and sex with the girl. He discharged in her and discharged in me, and in a couple hours, he was ready to go again.

I asked him what he drank and he said nothing. However, I didn't believe him because when we are alone, and we are making love, he does not last for so long. But finally he fell asleep and the girl, who is my friend, said to me 'what a man'.

I told her that she could leave Saturday evening but when my boyfriend woke, he told me that he did not want her to leave so soon and he asked her if she wanted to leave, and she said 'not really'. So she spent all day Saturday and all day Sunday. On Saturday night my boyfriend told her that he wanted brawta. I was upset with him but I couldn't show it, so threesome went on again, but most of the time was spent with her.

The reason why I am writing to you is because I had the opportunity to leave Jamaica and to be in the United States of America. I did what I had to do in the USA, so now I can come back to Jamaica. Since I have been here, this man told me that the young woman has been visiting him and they are lovers, and he wanted me to know what's going on. He said I should not blame the girl, but she is only with him because I have been away for a long time. He said that she is taking my place now, but when I return to Jamaica she would only visit occasionally.

I feel that I would tear my girlfriend into pieces. She has taken away my man and I am very hurt about it. I must come back to Jamaica. My clothes and everything were left in the house. My boyfriend told me that she has not worn any of my clothes. He has bought enough clothes for her, and she has got lots of money from him. He has taught her how to cook and she takes good care of him. I don't know what to say.

This man has betrayed me. The relationship with my friend was not supposed to be permanent. However, she is living with my man. I cannot allow her to destroy the relationship I have had with this man. My boyfriend keeps telling me that when I get to Jamaica, she will leave. I want her to leave now. I am coming to Jamaica in vengeance.

Let her go back to the ghetto where she is from, otherwise it will not be cool between us. How do you see this matter? I would like to hear from you very soon.

R.

Dear R.,

I am going to asked you to cool it. It would be better not to come back to Jamaica than to come in rage and get yourself into trouble. You introduced your girlfriend to this man. He had his way with her and he paid her, but after you left he continued to have a relationship with her.

You are upset with her because you feel that she took over your man. She saw the opportunity to earn a living by this man. That is exactly what you did. It is unlikely that this man would marry you or the young woman.

This man is only having fun, so don't blame her totally for what has happened between the man and her. If you are coming to Jamaica only for a visit, as soon as you leave this man and the girl would be together again.

When you come to Jamaica, let this man tell you what he intends to do where marriage is concerned. If you have your papers all straighten out in the USA, and he will not marry you, pack up and go right back.

I repeat, I doubt very much that he will marry you. Go to school in the USA and get a profession. I wish you well.

Pastor