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Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 10 years but my husband and I do not have children together.

I had four children before I met him and he was a wild man. He had seven children. After I had my fourth child, I decided I would tie my tubes so I did the tubal ligation operation. When I met my husband, I told him about it. He said that he didn't want any more children so that was not a bother to him. My children are for three different men and he told me that his seven children were with seven different women. He said he was not a very good father because he was not sure if all these children belong to him. I asked him why he did not do DNA tests; he said he couldn't bother with that.

My children live with us, two boys and two girls. His children are all over the place. They don't even call him and he does not make an effort to call them. This man is always broke. He drinks heavily and is always gambling. He never has money and he has caused me to open my legs with one of my children's father. This man calls me every week and he always asks me whether I have money. I would tell him the truth and he would tell me to send one of the boys for some money.

STONE DRUNK

One day when I saw how my husband came home stone drunk, I called this man and told him to come and pick me up. My husband did not even know when I left the house. I had sex with this man and when I came back, my husband was still sleeping on the couch. I left him there, had my shower and went to bed. I know that you are going to say that I am a bad woman, but I don't consider myself bad. I am a woman under stress. When I met my husband, he was able to sex me well but now he can hardly help himself.

My children told me that I should ask him to leave but I am reluctant because the house belongs to my grandparents and my husband is a plumber. So whenever I have problems in the bathroom or kitchen, he repairs them. So he is like a little handy man. I stopped attending church because of the life I am living and whenever I see my church people, I have to be lying.

I am 50 and my husband is 60. Whenever I mention that we should go to church, he uses the opportunity to curse my pastor and the church members. I really don't know what to do. Can you give me some advice?

- K.G.

Dear K.G.,

I understand what you are saying, however, it is unfortunate that you agreed to marry this man.

Clearly he was not a good family man from the beginning but perhaps you felt that because you had four children, you could not say no to a man who has seven. He does not support your home and the Bible says any man who does not support his household is worse than infidel. Some women have told me that they have had to do exactly what you did. They call former boyfriends, or other men, and offer them sex to get money. They would then go to the supermarket and buy groceries, and their men would come home, sit at the table and eat, not knowing that their women have had to cheat on them to support the family.

One lady told me that her husband wasn't giving her any money and when she tried her best to put dinner together, her husband was not pleased and he wanted to know if that was the best she could have done for dinner. So she used to go regularly to another man and have sex and then go to the market and buy steak, chicken and other foods. Her husband would come and enjoy what she cooked and she just looked at him and laughed. She eventually left her husband, divorced him and got married to her side man.

Let me ask you, how do you feel? Do you think that you should remain in the relationship with your husband and continue to cheat? Or do you not feel that you should divorce him and set yourself free? I am not telling you to divorce him, I am only asking questions. You said that he is a good handy man around the house but he has not been able to sexually satisfy you. The man needs to check out himself. I could understand why your sons are encouraging you to leave him, but madam, you are old enough to make your own decision.

- Pastor