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Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I recently graduated from university. While studying I was invited on dates, but I turned down most of them.

Now that I am free, I have been accepting a few dates. The most serious ones are from men who are much older than me. The younger guys are just joking around and they don't have any money. A man saw me in a store and started to chat me up. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told him no. He asked for my number and I told him to give me his, and I would call him. One night, about 9 p.m., I called the number to find out whether he would answer. A female answered and when I asked her for him, the woman called him and I heard when she asked who is that calling. When he came on the phone I asked him who the woman was, and he told me she was a visitor. I told him that I was sorry for disturbing him.

Another man invited me out and he was the same age as my dad, which is 50. He is single but divorced. He has three children. He has his own business and he offered me a job. I told him I would consider working for him, but we could not have an intimate relationship. He said he prefers to have a relationship with me and not have me as an employee. The reason why I am writing to you is for your guidance because two weeks ago, this man called me and told me that he would pay me well if I would be an assistant manager. The salary would be in the six figures. I know I am qualified, but I do not have the experience. So why would a man offer me so much money? I called a family friend and I told him about this man and the offer. He told me not to take that job and to block this man's number.

IMPRESSIVE MAN

My aunt was having a birthday party and there were a number of single guys there. One of them asked me for a dance. He was a fabulous dancer and a good singer too. I went out with him and I was impressed. He did not talk much about himself, but he did say that he was married but his wife passed on. He said that she died from cancer. He was a gentleman in every way. He took me home after the date, walked me to the door and told me that we would talk again. I have found myself thinking about this man. I told my mother about him and she suggested that I discuss this man with my father. When I told my father about him, he said that he had to deal with that man in business. He said I should continue to go about with him. I took my father's advice and now I am in love with this man, but he is not making any commitment.

On one occasion he said that he thinks he is too old for me. I don't think so. He is 45 years old and he does not want to have any more children. He has two boys and if we were to get married, I would want to have children and he cannot see himself fathering any more kids. My heart is broken because I really love this man. I am still trying to convince him that I would be a good mother to his children. I only want us to have two children.

May I ask you to pray that this man would change his mind. I should tell you that I slept with him two nights ago so I am no longer a virgin. I love him so much.

- N.S.

Dear N.S,

You have been trying to be very careful. I admire the fact that you did not play around while you were attending school.

You have not said exactly what you majored in at university but you are smart and you have not allowed yourself to be used my men. You knew from the very start that one of the guys who offered you plenty of money to work in his business was a trickster. You were smart enough to turn him down.

Now you have found this man and he has wooed you and impressed you so much that you went to bed with him and you are willing to marry him. He does not want any more children.

I suggest you ask this man whether he would go with you to see a counsellor. Don't try to push marriage to him, and you have to remember that he has reasons for not wanting to have any more children. But he may change his mind, so continue to cooperate with him.

I wish you well.

- Pastor