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Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I would like your opinion. I am working, but I have a concern. I do not know how to handle this situation.

My boyfriend is 27 and he is studying abroad. When he was accepted at the university, he wanted us to get married before leaving. I told him I was not ready, so he left. Now, I regret that we did not get married because I miss him so much. When I recently told him how much I miss him, he said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what my boyfriend doesn't realise is that I am struggling to remain faithful to him. I don't want to cheat. I have many opportunities to do so, even with his so-called friends. They are always offering me rides and I always have to turn them down. I need my man. I am begging him to come home for August and let us do a private wedding. I have a visa, so I can give notice to my workplace, give up my apartment, and go back with him.

I am the only child for my father, who is living in America. He told me that if my boyfriend and I were to get married and I am in America with him, he would pay our rent for three months, and hopefully I would get a work permit and start working. I never got along with my mother. She was not caring; that is why my father left her and married another woman. I call my boyfriend every day, and sometimes I feel so guilty because he has to remind me that he has to study. I don't want him to fail his examinations because of me. I told him that I would help him with research when I am with him in America. He said I am a big trouble in his life.

Do you think that it is a good idea to get married in August and to go with him to America? I want to hear from you, please.

A.J.

Dear A.J.,

You know from experience that long-distance relationships can be very difficult to maintain.

Now you regret that you did not accept your man's proposal and to go with him to America. I have often told couples that whenever a spouse is doing courses, it is better for both of you to study together. In that way, both of you can assist each other and give each other moral support. Both of you do not have to be taking the same courses, but you would not feel lonely. You can also arrange your time in such a way that your emotional and sexual needs would be met by each other.

Couples who are together will save on telephone calls, and may also find that they do not have time to argue with each other. One thing they would have to do is to make sure that they use protection, so that they would not get pregnant while they are in school. Life would become too stressful if the wife become pregnant. I am therefore suggesting that when your boyfriend comes to Jamaica, both of you get married in a private ceremony and that you travel with him to America. I am glad your father has promised to pay the rent for both of you for three months.

Lay out everything before your dad and he will advise you. Keep away from these men who are trying to get you to go to bed with them. I don't know how they can call your guy their friend. These guys would put you on your back, if you are not careful, and then call you a whore. I wish you well.

Pastor