ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I am in a relationship, but I am so very unhappy. It would have been better if I had never known this man.

We have been friends for five years, but living together for three years. He encouraged me to live with him because he was alone. His wife had passed and he does not have children. He told me that I would not have to pay for anything. He is a pensioner and his pension is substantial. He used to live and work in America, so he also gets social security. I rented out my house and moved in with him. They say "see me and come live with me are two different things".

Sometimes this man is like he is on cloud nine, but there are other times when it appears that a different spirit is in him and he would be as cold as ice towards me. I asked him what I did to hurt him and he said nothing. The helper told me that before I got there, he would not speak to her for days, but she got accustomed to it and she would just do her work and leave.

This man has friends and they check up on him. I have got to know some of them and they are respectable men. I have a grown daughter. She lives in England. She wants to come to Jamaica in August. I asked him how he feels about that. He said if she is my daughter, then she would be his daughter too. I told him that when she gets to Jamaica, I would expect him to welcome her at the house. She is single. He said I should not expect her to stay anywhere else.

One day we were watching television and he suddenly said that he misses his wife. I said that I understand that, but I am here with him, and he said no woman can take her place. He treats me very well. I don't have to spend any money. My account has grown. I told him that we should buy another home on the north coast, so we have been talking to a realtor.

This man knows how to make love. When he is in his good mood, he would carry on for hours, and then fall asleep. When he sleeps, he is like a dead man. One day when he would not wake up, I was wondering if he had had a heart attack. When he woke up, I told him that he scared me. He said he was only resting. I would like to know what I can do to get this man get over his selfish ways and stop treating me as if I wasn't in the house.

Pastor, please don't misunderstand me, he is a good man, but sometimes he behaves as if I am not around. He ignores me totally.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

This man encouraged you to come and live with him. He wanted company. He wanted to share what he has.

He was tired of living alone. He could have asked another woman, but he loves you and wanted you to share what he has. You may think that he is selfish, but he is not. So what's going on then? A selfish man would not have a woman living with him and not making any financial contribution. He is an easygoing brother, who, occasionally, thinks about his diseased wife. Although he loves you, he misses her, and he tells himself no woman can take her place.

Listen, this man does not abuse you in any way. He is not talkative. You are meeting his needs, and although you would want him to be more talkative, accept him as he is. Have you ever discussed marriage with him? You ought to raise the matter with him and see how he reacts. You have been able to save a large amount of money since you have been living with him. Buying a property on the north coast would be a good investment. Suggest that your daughter be a part of such an investment.

Get married to the man, and both of you become a part of a church and live happily. Let me hear from you again, please.

Pastor