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Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him when I was 16. I was crazy in love with him.

There was another girl who he was also in love with. She told me that she was going to take him away from me, but I did not believe her. She is two years older than I am. I told him what this girl had said and he told me not to pay her any mind. I got the impression that he would stick with me. Sometimes we were on the phone for hours and he would tell me how much he wanted me. He told me how to do phone sex with him. In our home, I had my own privacy, and to make sure that nobody was hearing me when we were doing phone sex, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower and he and I carried on.

He told me that he had stopped having anything to do with the other girl, but he was lying to me the whole time, because he got the girl pregnant and I am mad with him. She called me and told me that they are still together, so I should leave her man alone. I hate him now. I don't want to see him. I have to be crying myself to sleep. I don't love him any more. He and I had great plans for the future. I have seven subjects. I want to be a lawyer. From the time I was a child, law is what I really like. I have applied to university and I hope to start studies this year. My father is a lawman; he is very strict, but he trusts me. I would not have let him down. So any time this guy and I had sex, I made sure that we used protection. One day my mother went into my bag. I had a pack of condoms in it, but she didn't see it.

I will never trust another man. I am trying to get over this man. I asked my father to buy me a dog and I would give the dog all my love. I told the girl she was right when she told me that she would take him away from me. I don't blame her very much, I blame this man because he lied to me and he took away what I can never get back. He took my virginity and I told him that I would love for my husband to take my virginity. He told me that he would be my husband, so no big thing.

How can I love again? He is a footballer, with a lovely physique, so girls love him. He cannot take away my beauty because everybody who knows me tells me that I am a good-looking girl. Why do men lie so much? I used to think that I am smart and no man would fool me, but this man has destroyed me. Thanks for reading my letter.

K.T.

Dear K.T.,

First of all, I wish you well as you go to university and I hope that you will become a very good lawyer who people would trust. I hope you would spend much of your time reading because a good lawyer has to be one who reads a lot.

You were in love with a young man, at least, you thought that you were in love. As you grow older, you will realise that most men are liars and you should not trust everybody who tells you that they love you. Some people mix up infatuation with love. Sometimes it's not love at all, it is lust. Love desires the highest good of another person. Love does not do anything to hurt another. Infatuation and lust seek to satisfy the flesh only, but you will learn these things as you grow older.

I am glad that this man did not get you pregnant. Go to school, concentrate on your studies, become a good lawyer and make a good contribution to society. One of these days, you will find a man in whom you can trust, but don't be in a hurry to do so. I wish you well.

Pastor