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Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column in the newspaper and I find it enjoyable and interesting.

I am 21, and I have a boyfriend who is a Christian. I am not a Christian, but sometimes I attend church with him. I do not like his church, the people are too dead. I grew up in a Pentecostal Church, but he does not like that church; he says they are too noisy. I told him that we should get married because I am a backslider and I want to go back to my church.

I used to have a relationship with a soldier. He was much older. I lost my virginity to him at age 19. He told me he was not married, but after we had sex, I found out that he was. One day I saw him on Facebook with his wife; she was congratulating him and wishing him a happy birthday. I was so shocked. So when he came to see me, I asked him when was his birthday; he did not give me the correct date. So I told him what I saw on Facebook, and he begged me to forgive him. He told me that if he had told me the truth, I would not have given him a chance. That night we made love, but I told him that I did not want to continue with him. He gave me $11,000 and I told him goodbye.

Then I met this Christian man. I know he is not married. We were going for six months before we had sex. I even had to ask him if something was wrong with him. I told him that I didn't want to lead him astray, but I am a backslider. He lives alone and the night I was with him, I got him to have sex with me. He was very nervous, and he did not discharge in me. He said he doesn't want to get me pregnant, and he would like us to get married. We plan to meet with his pastor. He is very quiet, and I like that. He neither drinks nor smokes. He said he used to gamble, but he stopped since becoming a Christian.

I like his brothers and sisters. They are all big people. He told me that he used to live with a woman, but she was much older and had two children. They did not have any manners towards him, so he left her to live by himself. He is 25. I love him very much. The only problem we are having is that he would like me to attend his church, but I can't take a cold church. Please give me your advice.

J.D.

Dear J.D.,

It might be very difficult for you to adjust to this man's church, and it might also be very difficult for him to adjust to yours.

This man worships his God in a very quiet manner. You think that because the church does not do a lot of shouting, that it is cold. You are very wrong. Some people worship the Lord in a very quiet manner. They don't shout and stomp their feet and dance; they worship the Lord quietly. I hope you would not try to pull this man away from his church. I would also ask you to stop criticising his church because if you continue to do so, he will walk away from you.

I know for sure that your shouting does not mean that you are a holy person. I urge you to go with this man to see his pastor. After doing that, you and this man should decide whether you want to continue the relationship. I wish you well.

Pastor