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Dear Pastor,

I hope you had a good Easter. Mine was not good because I got myself into trouble. I am a 25-year-old man and I had a relationship with a young lady, who is 23. She is the daughter of a woman who got married to a pastor.

We were going along very well. I joined her mother's church because of her. However, her mother is very bossy, and her daughter is the same. She wants to boss me around and I could not deal with that. Everything I told her, she told her mother.

One day she asked me how much money I had saved and wanted me to give her some. I told her my mother's name is on the account. She told me my mother wouldn't have to know if I withdrew the money. I refused. To my surprise, she ran and told her mother that I had refused to help her.

Her mother then told her husband, the pastor, and this man attacked me from the pulpit. He declared that he didn't want his stepdaughter to marry a "mean man." I couldn't believe it -- instead of preaching about the resurrection, he used the pulpit to talk about me. After the service, I approached him and asked why he had to do that. He told me he could preach about whatever he wanted. I told him I would not return to his church. He then told me that a curse would follow me because no man can fool his stepdaughter and prosper.

If this man had any common sense, he would not tell me what he told me. I had good intention towards his stepdaughter, but this man took liberty with me by cursing me, and by going on the pulpit and calling me mean.

One church member told me the pastor is known for throwing words at people and that his wife is just like him. When I told the man I wouldn't be back, he said he couldn't blame me -- and even advised me to find a girlfriend outside the church.

Recently, my previous girlfriend called me and apologised to me. She said that she did not mean any harm when she told her mother that she asked me for some money and I told her that my mother's name is in the account, so I could not withdraw anything without her permission.

My mother is not working and I am the only member of the family in a good job. My girlfriend said that if I am not coming back to the church, she will leave. She also expressed her desire to leave her home because it would be the second time her stepfather is destroying her relationship. She says wherever I go, she will go.

When she was at university, she had a boyfriend who was from one of the other Caribbean islands. Her mother and stepfather told her to end that relationship because men from that country are no good.

I don't trust her, but I still love her. I spoke to my mother about the situation and my mother told me that the decision is up to me. However, she would prefer if I don't continue the relationship with this woman. Every night I dream about her, but I wake up not knowing what to do.

Please, give me your advice.

B.L

Dear B.L.,

I would not encourage you to continue the relationship that you were having with this young woman. You say that she is bossy like her mother, so this young woman is following the footsteps of her mother.

This young woman has confidence in her mother and they are very close. It is good for a young woman to have a very close relationship with her mother.

Women who have close relationships with their mothers confide in them. Evidently, that is what happened here. She told her mother that she asked you for some money and you refused to give it to her. Her mother told her husband, the preacher, but I doubt very much that she expected her husband to attack you from the pulpit and to call you mean. He had no right in taking a family matter and preaching about it.

I am glad you approached him about it after the service. His response was not good. He has no power to curse you and to tell you that you would not prosper. Even if you were to continue with his stepdaughter, you will not get this man's blessing. It would be better for you to end this relationship permanently. This is a matter of common sense.

Don't encourage the young woman to leave her parents' house. I don't doubt that you really love her, but you will do better without her. You will eventually find a young woman who would love you and not try to control you or boss you around.

Use common sense, my dear Sir. Walk away from this girl, I wish you well.

Pastor