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Dear Pastor,

I am 45 years old and my husband is 50. He has a son who was living with his mother before she threw him out because he was doing drugs and had become very disrespectful.

My husband and I decided that we would take him in. He is 18 years old. His father and I have a daughter, who is living here with us. She is still in high school. She is 16, going on to 17. We caught her having sex with this boy.

We were so shocked. I could not believe that I would experience such a thing. His father threatened to kill him, so he ran out of the house with his pants in his hands. I had to block my husband from going after him because I knew he would murder him.

Here is our big problem. I discovered that it was not the first time they were having sex. I thought my daughter was a virgin. I pressed her to tell me the truth. She said her brother was not the only man she had sex with. She did so with a schoolmate. They were not even using protection.

Since his father threw him out, we have not heard anything from him. His father said he does not consider him any more to be his son.

T.

Dear T.A.,

Let me begin by telling you that I am very sorry to hear that you and husband, as parents of these children, had to deal with incest in your home. Your husband's son could have got his sister pregnant and that is not a joke.

You said that his mother threw him out of her house because he was using drugs. I take it to mean that this boy was smoking ganja or selling ganja to others. He may be a drug addict, and perhaps that is why he interfered with his sister.

I am not trying here to excuse him, but I am only wondering whether he offered her ganja too, and both of them lost their mind and caused them to engage in sexual intercourse. Your daughter has admitted it was not the first time they were having sex.

I have said before, parents can't be too careful with their children, whether they be boys or girls. I will repeat something I have said before. Some years ago I was asked to speak at a particular place and I made the point that when children are growing up, parents should give them their own rooms. The boys should sleep in separate rooms from the girls.

Recently, I went back to the special meeting as guest speaker. A young lady wanted to talk to me about something. She related that she told her mother that brothers and sisters shouldn't sleep together, and her mother told her not to listen to me. Her mother argued that I came to such position because I am supposedly better off.

The young woman, in a low voice, said "Mama doesn't know that our brother had sex with us [she and her sister] every night." They were all sleeping in the same room.

Your son and daughter had their own rooms; I assume, but you trusted the young man and he decided that he would have sex with his sister. I am glad that your daughter did not get pregnant and I hope that wherever her brother is, he will not get himself into trouble.

What is has done is not only immoral but it is criminal offence.

Talk to your daughter as a big woman, and beg your husband not to get himself into trouble by going after his son. I hope that one day his son will beg pardon from the both for what he has done.

I wish the family well.

Pastor