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Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I am having a problem. I am 20 years old and I have been living with my boyfriend for one year. I love him very much. It is the first time I am living with a man.

When I was 18 years old I had a boyfriend but we did not live together. My mother used to curse me and tell me it was time for me to leave the house because she could hardly manage.

I do not know my father. My mother told me that she did not know where to find him. She gave me a name but she couldn't remember his last name. When I was about 16, I decided that I would try to find him, so I went to the district where my mother told me he was from. I stopped at every bar that was there and asked if they knew him. However, the people say they did not know him. Some of them wanted me to describe him to them but I couldn't.

I wasted my time.

I have had more than my fair share of bad luck. My first boyfriend tried to have sex with my younger sister, so we did not get along. He claimed that my sister was lying on him, but she did not have any reason to do so.

He also tried to have a relationship with one of my schoolmates, so I could not put up with that. I stopped calling him, changed my phone number and moved on. I later met a guy who is now my current boyfriend.

I got into his life because I was seeking protection. My first boyfriend threatened that if I leave him, he would kill me. My present boyfriend is much older than I am. He is 30 years old and he works with a security company, so I feel safe when I am with him because he carries a firearm. He takes care of most of the bills.

I have a job but the salary is not very good. However, it is better than nothing.

My boyfriend wants me to get pregnant for him. He said that is the only way he will know for sure that I love him. I do not want to get pregnant. I suspect my boyfriend to be fooling around other girls. I have noticed that whenever he comes home from work and his phone rings, he goes outside to answer. He does not answer the phone in my presence. I asked him why he does not answer the phone in my presence and he says because people are calling him to discuss business, and they don't want me or anybody else to hear them.

I am never fortunate to know what business he is talking about. I am convinced that the people who are calling him are women, but if I should try and find out who they are, he would beat me.

I see what men have done to my mother. She has been a slave to some of the men she had in her life. I don't want to be like that. My boyfriend is very good to me, but when he is angry he uses expletives. Sometimes I think that I should run away from him.

Please give me your advice.

M.P,

Dear M.P,

You do not have to tolerate any form of abuse from a man. I can see that you love your present boyfriend. He is a good provider, but you have to get a steady job and work to support yourself so that you are not dependent on your boyfriend.

This man is talking nonsense when he says that you have to become pregnant by him to prove that you love him. Having a child for a man is no guarantee that he would stay with you. Getting pregnant will tie you down. You will be giving up your freedom. You should only become pregnant when you know that you are in a position to support a child.

I don't mean to imply that the father of the child would not have his responsibility, but a woman should never believe that a man will play his part. The fact is that he may or may not play his part in supporting a child.

Remember, your father did not support your mother at all. He did not even give his full name to your mother, so you have had to be searching here, there and everywhere for the deadbeat father.This is so unfortunate.

I hope that your boyfriend does not take advantage of you. I hope he will respect you and help you get an education, and that he will stop talking to you about getting pregnant. You don't have to run away. Try your best to get a job, and please go to your doctor and ask him or her how you can protect yourself.

I wish you well.

Pastor