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Dear Pastor,

I have a matter to bring to you and I hope that you would give me your advice. I will be 18 soon.

I am living with my uncle and aunt but I did not grow up with them. My mother died two years ago and I was living with her. So after her death, I asked my uncle if I could live with him. He said he was thinking that I should come because he did not like me staying at the home where my mother was living. She was living with a man who did not like me, because he tried to have sex with me and I did not agree. I told my mother and she believed me, but every time this man had an opportunity to be nasty to me, he did. He always told me that no matter what I do, he is going to have sex with me. So I was always scared of him. When my mother died and my uncle came to the funeral, I had a long talk with him, so he told me to pack my clothes and everything that I can take with me.

I went with my uncle and his wife to their house, but I had to sleep on the couch the first night until proper arrangements were made for me. My uncle had a son who was living at the house and he told him that he would have to give up his room, because he does not like seeing me sleeping on the couch. His son was 23 at the time and he had a pregnant girlfriend. But she is older than him and was working. He went to live with his girlfriend; they have a baby boy.

My uncle's wife doesn't like me, she is always asking me to do everything in the house, such as cleaning and washing. I never had to wash my mother's underwear, and since I have been living here, my uncle's wife would just take off her underwear and tell me to wash them. I refuse to wash them because she is not ill. She told me that I should remember that I am living at the house for free, and I am eating and drinking her labour. So, I should not object to do what she says.

I complained to my uncle and he spoke to her. She told him that he should find another place to put me if I refuse to do what she says. I don't know what to do, but I know I cannot stay here under these conditions. My uncle told me I should not fret; he will work out something for me. Another thing, this woman goes to church on a Saturday and she insists that anybody living at her house will have to be a Sabbath worshipper.

My uncle does not go to church; he tells me I do not have to go with her; so that, too, is causing a problem. He is trying to find a place to board me. Although she claims to be a Christian, she is telling me that I should go and find a man to support me. So please, give me your advice.

S.B.,

Dear S.B.,

Your uncle's wife is totally out of order. Why can't this woman wash her underwear for herself?

I do not want to overstep, but I believe if this woman were ill and needed help, you would not have objected in assisting her. She knows your situation, and she should be happy to be in a position to assist you as a young girl. Some people forget how important it is to help others; you are her husband's niece, so she should rally around you and not complain. She should not leave all the burden of the housework on you. I am sure that your uncle will find another suitable place for you to live.

Don't be discouraged; everything will work out well for you.

Pastor