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Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I would like to relate to you something that happened at our house recently.

My parents have been married for a long time and they have four children. My parents get along very well, but my father has a drinking problem. He does not smoke or gamble, but he drinks hard liquor. We live in a split-level house. All the children have their own room. I have friends from school who sometimes visit and stay with me.

My mother's sister was visiting and my father came home drunk. My aunt was staying in the room downstairs and when my father came home, he did not even realise what he was doing. My mother no longer stays up to wait for him to come home. Nobody heard when he came in. My father urinated on himself and went into the room where my aunt was staying. He went into her bed and she woke up and cried out. It was when she made the alarm that my mother rushed downstairs and realised what had happened. Dad was fully clothed, but stone drunk. My mother took her slippers and started to beat him and asked him what he was doing in her sister's room. We had to hold our mother. She kept telling him that he knew what he was doing.

My aunt said that it must have been a genuine mistake because he did not do anything to her, so she believed that he was really confused and under his liquor. My mother took him to the bathroom and bathed him and put him to bed after she had given him a beating. When he woke up in the morning and we told him what had happened, he said we were lying.

This man is a great father and we all love him. He apologised to my aunt, but my mother said she didn't want any apology from him - it is time for her to either divorce him or for him to stop drinking. My father declared that he promised that he would not drink as much, so if my mother decides to divorce him, he would sign the papers. I know that my mother is not planning to divorce him, she is only talking. My mother has everything to her comfort including a beautiful home. My father is still a good provider and my mother is only working because she wants to do so.

Have you ever heard anything like what I have related to you? What do you suggest that we can do to stop our father from drinking?

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

Your letter reminds me of a situation I had to deal with many years ago. I was a tenant at a house and my landlord's friends were visiting him and they were drinking heavily.

One of his friends became drunk and he could not drive himself home. He was what you may call stone drunk. My landlord asked me if I would drive this man's car and take him home and I agreed. They got him into the car; the man did not know what was going on. The landlord accompanied me and I drove the man's vehicle to his house. His wife opened the gate and I drove the car right into the yard, parked it, and handed the key to his wife. The man didn't even know what was going on. His friends took him out of the car and got him into his house and my landlord and I left.

I have related that story because it is not difficult for me to believe that your father was drunk and did not know what was going on. He was not in his right mind. Sometime after my incident, when I saw that man who I took home, he did not even tell me thanks; all he did was laugh. All hope is not lost for your father. The important thing is to get him to see that he has a problem. Most drinkers are not willing to admit that they have a problem.

As his daughter, you should learn to coax your father. Most fathers are always willing to listen to their daughters. So let your father know that he is embarrassing you as well as your mother, so he should seek help by going to the doctor who may refer him to see a therapist.

Pastor