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Dear Pastor,

I am now 51 years old. I got married to an American woman and she filed for me, so I am living with her here.

The relationship started well, but she is a different woman now. Any little disagreement that we have, she tells me that I can't put my feet into that of her husbands. It was only after we got married that I found out that this woman has been married four times before I met her. Her first husband died, and she got married again soon after. Her second husband divorced her and so did the third and fourth. She got the house that she and her second husband lived in. This woman is 60 years old. She doesn't have anything good to say about Jamaican men. She is a very lazy woman and I have to be doing most of the cooking. If I don't clean the bathroom, it would be there for the entire week. She would go in and use it and leave it dirty.

I have two daughters in Jamaica who are not married. I gave one of them permission to allow her boyfriend to live at the house as a sort of protection. Neither daughter has children. They talk to me often and my wife thinks that I did the wrong thing by having my son-in-law live in the house. It is big enough and my other daughter is not against him staying there with them. I think my wife wants my children out of the house. But she will never be able to get my house.

I made the biggest mistake when I got married to this woman. My babymother never got married, and sometimes when I am at work, I call her and talk to her. I told her recently that I still love her. She told me that the love she had for me is dried up, so I should stay with my wife. I need this woman back in my life. I am now fully legal in America. I don't have anything that my wife can claim from me. Do you think that I should divorce her and try to move on? I have a good job. I would love to get your opinion. My wife wants to know how I spend every cent that I earn, but if I ask her how she spends hers, she tells me that is none of my business.

W.M.

Dear W.M.,

How come you didn't know that this woman was married so many times before both of you tied the knot?

It is said that love is blind, so perhaps that could be applied to you. You were so much in love with her that you could not see danger. When a woman was married once or twice, and she is now single, and she tells a man that she loves him, that man should seek to find out what really happened to her past relationships.

This woman lost her first husband, but the others left by divorce. Something was wrong. You should blame yourself for not finding out whether she was in the right or in the wrong. This woman does not respect you and that is why she is always disrespecting you by telling you that you cannot walk in her past husbands' shoes. She is rude and out of order, but you have yourself to blame.

Ordinarily, I would say to a man who is having problems with his wife to make an appointment and go to see a family counsellor. But I doubt very much that this woman would be interested in going. I don't believe that you are interested in going to see a family counsellor either. You want to get out from under this woman's wings. Don't fool yourself, however, by saying she is not going to get anything out of you if you were to divorce her. So, hear me, my friend, go and see a lawyer and find out whether you would be able to walk free if you were to divorce her. You can ask around and find out who is the best lawyer you can talk to in your area.

I wish you well.

Pastor