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Dear Pastor,

I am a 44-year-old woman, and I want your opinion. I know you are going to say that I have to make the decision on my own, but I do want to hear how you feel about this problem.

I was never married, but I have two grown children -- a son and a daughter. Recently, my son informed me that he got his girlfriend pregnant, so they are looking for a place to live together.

My daughter lives in Canada.

For many years, I have this male friend, who always helped me financially. He gave me money to put towards the down payment of the house I bought, and occasionally, when things were tight with me, he paid the mortgage. We kept our relationship very private. When we wanted to spend time together, he rented a cottage that one of his political associates owns, and we would go there.

He was a married man. His wife never knew that we were having an affair. She knew about me but thought we were just good social friends.

Two years ago, this man's wife died. Our relationship has continued, but a few people have found out that we are lovers, including my children. Now this man has asked me to marry him. At, first I told him that we don't have to get married. He said that he wants me to rent out my house and move in with him, and in that way, we would be saving money.

I told my children that this man has proposed to me, and my son said he knew that this man had loved me for years. He said that if I marry this man he would stop looking for a place to rent. He said he and his girlfriend would move in to my house and pay me the rent.

My daughter said she would be happy to call this man dad.

He is 78 years old. He has children, and he has told me that his house will go to his children. He has other investments, and I can tell you that the man is not poor.

If I agree to marry him, people may say that I am after his money, but I am not after his money. He is the best man I have ever had, so I am asking you for your advice.

Please do not hesitate to tell me how you really feel about this matter.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

As you clearly stated in your letter, you will have to make your own decision. However, I am going to advise that you should hurry up and marry this man.

You thought that your children were not aware that you and this man were having an affair, but they are not as naive as you thought. They benefited greatly from this man's kindness. They know that he would continue to do his very best for you.

Both of you used to steal love on the side (you know what I mean), and that is why from time to time, you would go to that spot and spend weekends.

A certain politician once mentioned the names of several public figures who used to visit his cottage in rural Jamaica to spend time with their side chicks. I also know a couple of medical doctors who rented an apartment - not to live in, but as a place to take other women. They even hired someone to manage the apartment, taking turns bringing their women there.

They all had their matrimonial homes, but those cottages and apartments were their secret hideouts. So I understand exactly what you're saying.

Now that the man's wife has passed, he believes there's no longer any need to hide your relationship. You're no longer going to be his side chick -you're going to be his wife. Accept the man's proposal, and while you're at it, tell your son it's time he considered settling down too. He should marry the woman carrying his child and move into your home.

A room should be available in that house at all time for his sister to stay whenever she is visiting Jamaica.

Your son should be willing to sign a contract and pay all utilities while he is living at the house. I wish you well.

Pastor