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Dear Pastor,

I am 44 and my wife is 25. We have been married for three years. When I announced that I was getting married to this woman, some people told me I was crazy.

They told me that she was not going to be faithful. One taxi driver told me that he knows one of her boyfriends and he has taken her to his place many times. I told him I was not marrying a saint, and she has changed, and we have discussed her past life. Before we got married, we went to a certain church and got baptised. We stopped sleeping together for four weeks and then we got married.

I saw some of my girlfriends and I told them that I am a changed man. One of them has a child for me, but the child was not registered in my name because she cheated on her husband. That was the only secret I kept from my wife. I promised my child's mother that I will never tell anybody that the child is mine. The child resembles me, but her husband has never questioned her about the child. I am of light complexion, but the mother is dark-skinned. People ask her how is is that the child is of light complexion. She told them that there are some brown-skinned people in her family.

But that is not what I am writing about. Pastor, my wife is back to her bad deeds. Sometimes I have to force her to have sex with me. I suspected that she has boyfriends and she is fully satisfied with what she is getting from them. I went into my wife's handbag and I found condoms; we do not use condoms. I did not say anything to her. But, a few days ago, she told me that I am not satisfying her the way she wants to be satisfied. That tells me that she has another man who is doing a better job than I am.

Two weeks ago it was my birthday, and I told her I would like her to bake me a cake. She did and I bought some wine. After we had dinner, we cut the cake and drank wine. When we went to bed, I tried to have sex with her, but she turned her back and told me she was tired. Isn't that enough to tell me that she has somebody else? When we first met, I used to give her money and she could not keep her underwear on. Now she wears shorts to bed. I complained to her pastor, and he gave us an appointment to see him. She has refused to go.

So, what should I do? I need your advice.

K.T.

Dear K.T.,

I do not know if this woman has another man in her life, but the way she is behaving will cause anyone to believe that something funny is going on.

She is not even trying to make you feel happy. And if your wife and you are not using condoms, why does she have them in her handbag? You said you did not remove them and I am glad that you didn't, because if she is having sex with other men, and they are using condoms with her, you are being protected from STIs. But you should talk to her about these condoms. Let her know that you saw them in her bag and you are suspicious of her. That may not prevent her from going with other men.

I am really sorry for you, sir. I see your marriage is on the brink of being destroyed. If the woman says that you cannot satisfy her, both of you need to discuss the matter with your urologist. I am sure the doctor would run some tests and may determine that you need to get some help. I hate to say this sir, but when a woman is out to be bad, she will be bad. She knows how to play the game, and evidently, she needs much more than what you can give to her.

Pastor