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Dear Pastor,

I am 61 and I have never been married, but I used to have many girlfriends. The last one I had, lived with me.

But she became ill and the doctors told me that she would not survive. She died soon after she had an operation. I truly loved her because she was a good woman. She was 40 when she died. That was two years ago. Since that time, I have had a couple of girlfriends, but the relationships have not lasted long.

I have a few dollars and these girls came around because they wanted my money. One of them brought another girl with her, so both of them were living with me. But every week, they wanted to do their hair and nails. They were party animals. When I spoke to the one who said that she loved me about her going out, she said I should remember that she is young, so I have to allow her to do what she wants to do.

One day I heard her telling the other girl that she can't stand me. She was telling her that something must be wrong with me because I seem to be a one-minute man. Her friend was laughing, but they thought I was fast asleep. So the following morning I told my girlfriend that I was planning to go abroad and I could not leave her in the house, so she should find somewhere to go until I came back. She asked me why I could not take her with me; I reminded her that she did not have a visa and I was going to stay with my daughter, who would not want to see me with such a young girl as my partner.

Pastor, I was lying. I did not plan to go anywhere. I just wanted her out of my house. I even offered to pay rent for her for two months, so she started to look for a place to live. She found a one-bedroom place. It was like a helper's quarters, two senior citizens live alone and they built that room with its own facilities. I lied again because I told the couple that she is my niece and I would be responsible for the rent. But I did not have enough to pay one month security. The rent was $20,000, so I paid it.

I changed my number and she started living there. When it was time to pay the rent, the couple told me that they asked her to leave, because every night she and her friend have men sleeping with them and they have turned their place into a whore house. I gave the couple another $20,000 and told them to get rid of her because I will not pay their rent any more. This girl and her friend try to get everything out of me. One day she showed up at my house and my new girlfriend was there. She told my girlfriend that she did not know I was back and my girlfriend asked her back from where. So she found out that I did not leave Jamaica at all. But I got rid of her permanently.

My present girlfriend was married, but her husband died. She is eight years older than me, and since her husband died, I am the first man she has got involved with. When she told me so, I did not believe her until I tried to make love to her and I could hardly enter her. Her passage was sealed up, but we have been going on. We are now hoping to get married. She does not need anything material from me because her husband left her in a nice house and she drives her own vehicle. Her children live abroad. They want her to give up Jamaica. She was thinking about it, but now that she has met me, she does not want to go.

Do you think I should marry this woman? I love her. She is a decent woman.

N.S.

Dear N.S.,

It is evident that before you met this pleasant woman, you got involved with a young woman you could not manage.

You were hoping to live a quiet life, and any man who would love to live a quiet life cannot be involved with a partygoer, or a woman who spends extravagantly.

This girl lied to you, but you realised that she was using you, so you got her out of your place. But you are also a liar because you rented a one-bedroom flat and told the owners that she was related to you. Then you also lied to the young lady by telling her that you were going to be away and you couldn't take her with you.

I hope that you would be truthful to this woman with whom you are now living. I see no reason why you cannot marry her even though she is older than you. You should know that when a woman has not had sex for a long time, her vagina becomes very tight. That is nothing to be concerned about.

Pastor