ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am attending university. When I was 17, I met a young man who I liked very much.

He told me that he was interested in me from the time when we attended music class together. In those days, I was not interested in any guy. I was focused on my music and I wanted to do well. Now both of us are in university, but not in the same faculty. I am half-Indian, but I like black men. I was not sure that my father would accept my boyfriend, but he has. My mother is prejudiced and she is always making sly remarks about my boyfriend. Regardless, I am going to continue to love this guy because he is from a good family and he is hard-working.

His father has offered me a job for the summer, but I did not take it because I will be in the US for part of my summer. My boyfriend and I have gone out together and I have offered to pay for some of the meals, but he refused. He said that his father taught him, "If a man cannot pay for whatever his date and himself order when he has taken her out, he should not have taken her out in the first place." The first time we went on a date, he picked me up in his father's car and he told my parents the approximate time he would bring me back. My father was impressed by that.

There is another guy who likes me. His mother and my mother are very good friends. He is four years older than I am. He is in the medical field. My mother said that she thinks he will make me a better husband than my present boyfriend. I don't hate the guy, but I don't love him as much as I love my present boyfriend. He attends church, but this other guy does not. He says that he does not see the need for him to attend church. I told him he does not see the need because he is a heathen. He said he is living a better life than many so-called Christians. I told him to stick with the other girlfriends that he has. He told me that if I agree for both of us to go together, he will drop all the other girls. I do not trust him.

My mother says that he can change, and he does not have to go to church to be a good husband. I don't want a man to change for my sake, because that change will not be genuine. I have been reading your column for a long time and I have learnt a lot from you. Please keep up the good work.

O.D.

Dear O.D.,

I want to encourage you to focus on your college work and to keep dating this young man that you have gone out with.

He seems to be stable, respectful, focused on his future, and should be a good partner for you. The young man has impressed your father. He respects your father, and although your mother would like to see you with another man, you have to go with the man you love. Your mother should not try to encourage you to go with the young man she likes because of the profession he has chosen and the friendship she has with his mother.

This young man has declared that he is not interested in attending church, and he is justifying himself by saying that he is living better than many Christians. Make sure you do not go out with him. Stick with the young man who has taken you out and has paid for your meals. That is the way a man should behave when he has invited a woman out.

I wish both of you well. Now take good care of yourself.

Pastor