ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I am having an issue. I am in love with a man who is two years my senior. He has proposed to me and he would like us to get married in December.

But I am scared of having sex. I have never had sex. Some of my friends told me that I am not normal because sex is wonderful. Some of them I would not want to be like because they have had multiple partners. Recently, the company in which I work had a seminar at a hotel and we had to share rooms. So the closest girlfriend I have shared a room with me. I told her the issue that I am having and she laughed at me. She said that should not be an issue at all. She even explained to me how I can go about it for the first time. She asked me if I have ever seen my boyfriend's penis and I told her no. She asked me how I know that he has a penis and I told her he is a man. We spent lots of time talking about these things, but that does not stop me from being scared. Her advice is that my boyfriend and I should go and see a counsellor. She said a sex therapist should help me.

I would love to have a family; two children would be ideal. But how do I get over this fear of having sex? My uncle is a pastor. I told him I would love to come and see him because he is the one I would love to officiate at our wedding. I have confidence in him. I do not want to discuss this issue with my mother. One day she asked me if I was sexually active and I told her that I was surprised that she would want to know that because it is a private matter. She took my answer to mean that I have been having sex.

My boyfriend has 'anointed' my private parts. I allowed him to do that to convince him that nothing is wrong with me, but we have not gone all the way. Please don't laugh at me. To some people, they may think that this is not an issue. But whenever I think of my boyfriend putting his private parts into mine, it seems so scary.

P.D.

Dear P.D.,

First of all, I want you to know that this thing that is called sexual intercourse is God's way of causing human beings to come into this world.

God designed that a man and his woman should have sex, and through this method, the woman might become pregnant. But sex is not only for procreation, it is for pleasure. A woman should be delighted in having her man make love to her and satisfy her. Likewise, the woman should endeavour to satisfy her man through sexual intercourse. What I am saying to you here is in the Bible.

The issue you are having is that you are afraid to engage in the act. To my knowledge, no couple who consented to have sex with each other has ever died from having sexual intercourse. As a young woman, you should begin to prepare yourself for the wonderful experience. I suppose you have heard from some of your girlfriends how much they have fantasised about having sex. That is normal. Indeed, if this fear continues, you need to discuss that during premarital counselling. I am surprised that although you consider this matter of sex as an issue, you allowed your boyfriend to touch your private parts. You went very far.

I am not here to suggest that you should have premarital sex, but when you meet with a counsellor, everything will be discussed. In the meantime, you should educate yourself by going to a Christian bookstore and purchasing a book about sex. You and your boyfriend should read and discuss the content. My prayer would be that after you have had sex a couple of times, you would demand a lot of it from your husband. I wish you well, young lady.

Pastor