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Dear Pastor,

I have just turned 40 and my friends held a birthday party for me. We had lots of fun, and most of them who toasted me said that life begins at 40.

I told them that I felt old and one of my friends laughed and said "Girl I am 60 and I don't feel old, so what are you talking about? Suppose you were my age?" She told me I should begin to live. She said I should always dress up and whether I am sleeping with a man or not, I should sleep in lovely lingerie. I should love my body. I should clothe myself in silk and satin. So many people said these things and I got the message.

I used to have a man in my life, but I dropped him because he was mean to me. When I turned 40, that man did not even take me out. He said he was busy. I asked him how he could be so busy that he could not find time for me. He told me he was working very hard, but he would make that up with me. I can tell you what I did to him - I fired him. I am now going with a man who is three years younger than I am. He takes me out. He is always nicely dressed. Whenever we go out to have dinner, we have wine. He loves to dance; he is a very good dancer, and he makes me feel very sexy.

I have to be reminding myself that I am older than this guy. Anytime I raise the matter of my age, he tells me that I am not much older than he is. I am writing this letter to you on a Sunday night because I went out with this guy and he is in my bed because he has to be up early in the morning. I got him to do what I wanted him to do. I feel a little guilty about that, but I have taken the advice of my 60-year-old friend who has taught me a few things. I have invested in candles for my bedroom and perfume because I have learnt that men are turned on by what a woman wears on her skin.

This man was never married and neither have I. We have been talking about getting married and having two children. Don't you think that it is too risky for me to have a child at my age? My friends don't think that it is too risky for me to have children. This man is eager for me to give him an answer. Life begins at 40 indeed. I am very happy with my new lover.

S.L.

Dear S.L.,

Let me begin by saying that your previous boyfriend who did not take you out or make time for you when you turned 40 was a very silly fellow.

Women always remember their 40th birthday. A man should not be so busy that he ignores his woman. I am glad that your girlfriends hosted a party for you. I would love to say that you did very well when you fired your previous boyfriend.

Now concerning this younger man you are now dating - you need to go easy on him. Don't push too hard. Play hard to get, if you know what I mean. On the matter of whether you should become pregnant, discuss that with your gynaecologist or family doctor. If both of you plan to have children, that is something you should do very soon. I wish both of you well.

Pastor