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Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I wish you would help me deal with it.

I am 31 years old and my wife and I have three children. My wife is not setting good examples for the girls. When she is angry with me, she uses expletives. She likes to use the 'B' and 'F' words. My mother came to spend a weekend with us and one of the girls did something wrong. In the presence of my mother, who is a Christian, my wife told my daughter some words. When I came home, my mother told me that she was leaving. When I asked her why, she told me that she could not repeat the words that my wife used, because to repeat them would give me the impression that she has lost her salvation. When I spoke to my wife about it, she told me that she didn't care about my mother and she should be free to say whatever she wants in her house.

My mother has not returned to my house. But more than that, Pastor, during our disagreement, my wife told me that I can go and 's' my mother. Imagine that! Then she has the nerve to come to me a few days after to tell me that she was sorry for what she said. My mother is in her 60s and had it not been for her and the sacrifices she made, I would not have been in the position that I am now. So this woman has embarrassed me and my mother has not returned to our home.

My daughters are doing well but I told them not to invite anybody to the house, especially males, because their mother has no behaviour. There was a problem at one of my daughters' school and my wife went there. The way she carried on, she embarrassed our daughter. I had to go to the school and apologise to the principal.

H.T.

Dear H.T.,

You have married a woman who has a very nasty tongue. It is a pity that she does not know how to control it.

She says anything she feels like saying. She is not a wise woman and I hope that your daughters will not follow in her footsteps. I don't know any man who would not be upset with a woman who speaks foul language in the presence of his mother and his children, and when that woman is spoken to, she declares she does not care who is hurt by the things she says. Such a woman is nothing but a fool. She is grossly disrespectful. Some people may be kind by saying she doesn't know better. I know it must be very disappointing to know that your wife abused your mother. How could your mother feel comfortable sitting with her in a family gathering? She would not feel comfortable accepting a plate of food from your wife.

My brother, do your best to help your girls. Give them proper guidance. Try not to lose your cool in the house. Keep your head high. Make sure that you go to church and that you encourage your daughters to do the same. Keep in touch with me; I would like to know how the relationship with your wife is going.

It would be good for your wife to see herself and realise that she needs to talk to a professional. Perhaps she needs to learn to control her anger.

Pastor