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Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have been going with a man for two years. I introduced him to my friend and she has taken him over.

I couldn't understand how he became so close to her. I used to always complain to her how he has changed, not knowing that she was in the picture. So everything I told her, she told him. This girl was my best friend. There was no secret I had that she was not aware of. I told her about the very first time I had sex. She did the same. We were so close, we even wore the same type of panties. I went to Miami and I bought lingerie for both of us. I told her the position that my boyfriend likes to put me and she even told him that.

This girl used to come and spend time with me. We were not lesbians but sometimes we hugged each other and slept. That is how close we were, until one day when my boyfriend and I were together. He went into the bathroom and I decided to peep into his phone. I read a text from her telling him how sweet he was and she hoped that they would be together forever. I felt nervous when I read the text, so I called her and asked if she was really having an affair with my boyfriend. She said I should ask him, and whatever he says, I should believe. This girl was closer to me than my own blood sisters.

When my boyfriend came back into the room, I asked him whether he had sex with my best friend and he asked how he could do such a thing. I told him what I saw in his phone. He said I should not have searched his phone but my girlfriend is only making a joke. He tried to make love to me that evening but I refused and I destroyed everything that my girlfriend had given to me. I told my boyfriend to leave. He got down on his knees and begged me to stay with him. He told me that he did not mean to hurt me, but it was my girlfriend who was always pushing up herself on him and one day he lost control.

I have forgiven him. We are back together but I can never forgive my best friend. I feel betrayed. We are in the same type of profession so we meet occasionally, but, when we see each other, it is 'hi' and 'bye'. She has tried to reach out to me on my birthday but I do not respond to her. I did not expect her to have sex with my man. I don't want her as a friend. I have learnt not to confide in women. She caused me to not trust women.

P.C.

Dear P.C,

Your friend has let you down. Perhaps she was always jealous of you because she considered you to have a handsome man.

You trusted her with your man but her aim was always to take him away from you. I don't' believe that you were careless with your man but you need to learn that if he was determined not to go to bed with her, it couldn't happen. Let me add quickly that a man told me that he found himself in a situation where a woman pulled a handgun on him and demanded that he had to have sex with her and he complied. I find it difficult to understand how he got an erection under such circumstances, but he said he did.

On the Dear Pastor Show, a man called me and told me that he went to the USA and stayed at a friend's home. He said that his friend's wife approached him and told him that she wanted to have sex and he told her that he couldn't do that because his conscience would bother him. His friend's wife said "If you don't have sex with me, when my husband comes, I am going to complain to him that you harassed me and you would have to leave." He said he didn't have anywhere to go, so he had sex with her. But the following night, she approached him again and he had to have sex with her. He told himself that this cannot work. He had to take the train to where he was staying, and instead of getting off, he stayed on the train the entire night to avoid having sex with this woman.

All types of crazy things happen in this world. I have been in this type of work long enough to know that when a woman decides to capture a man, he has to be very strong not to yield to her, and some women would call a man all types of dirty names if he does not allow her to have her way.

Pastor