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Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have three children for a man I cheated on and who I have begged to forgive me.

He said he could never marry me because I let him down. Recently, I went to see him. We used to live together but he left me in the house, so my sister came to live with me and she is helping me to pay the rent. She has two children and is in a good job. I don't know what I would have done without her.

My children's father is not helping me with the rent but he gives me $15,000 every week. He says it is $5,000 for each child. When I spoke to some of my friends about how much he is giving me, they told me that I am lucky because some men would not give so much for a whole month. On Labour Day, I told him that I wanted to see him. He is at his mother's house. When I got there, he was cooking, so I helped him and we had dinner together. When I looked at the man, I broke down and cried because I am at fault for him leaving me. I did something crazy. I went into the bathroom and showered then I called him to bring me a towel. He brought one of his towels and I asked him to help to dry me off.

I noticed that he had an erection so I asked him if he wanted to have sex and he told me yes. He lifted me, took me into his room and we had passionate sex. He even discharged in me and I asked him what if he got me pregnant. He said he would not. I told him that if he got me pregnant we would have to get back together. He said "Not because I had sex with you I will take you back. I had sex with you because I still love you but I don't love you enough to forgive you."

This man is 30 years old and the guy I cheated on him with is 20. This man told me that when we met, I told him that I would always be faithful, and I haven't kept my word. The young man I went to bed with told one of his friends and it is was one of his friends who told my children's father. He was laughing at him and teasing him that his private part is no good and that is why his woman had to go to another man.

Do you know of any way I can get my children's father back? When I went to his house was the first time we had sex since he left me, but it has been very hard not having him around.

E.J.

Dear E.J.,

I regret hearing that your children's father has left you. I can see that you are trying your best to get him back but it is to no avail.

I am wondering why you cheated. Some women cheat on their men because they are in financial difficulties, and they need money to pay their bills and their men are not giving them enough. But I do not get the impression that you had financial problems with this man, because even now that both of you have broken up, so to speak, he gives you $15,000 per week for the three children. But there is another reason why some women cheat and that is they are not sexually satisfied at home. So they try other men to give them what their men at home are not able to do.

Some may say that he should forgive his children's mother for her infidelity. However, some men are very hard and the very thought of knowing that another man had sex with their woman is enough for them to scorn their women. You went to this man's home and you literally tricked him to go to bed with you and he complied. According to you, he literally ravished you with sex. You enjoyed it to the full and he enjoyed it also, but after having this passionate sex, he told you that he still does not forgive you. What a tough man.

I wonder if he may change his mind if you were to suggest that both of you go for counselling? May I suggest that you mention that to him and see how he may react?

I can only wish you well.

Pastor