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Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a boyfriend, but he is engaged to be married. His fiancee is living in America and she visits Jamaica every three months.

His parents are business people. I am attending university and he is working in his parents' business. Whenever his fiancee comes to Jamaica, he takes her to the best hotels. I never thought I would meet a man who would treat me so well. I asked him if he would consider marrying me instead of his fiancee, but he told me that is a hard question to answer. This man gives me anything I ask him for. I have asked him to buy me a car and he told me that I would get one for my birthday in October. I can't wait for October to come. I am even contemplating what is the best colour car to buy.

Sometimes I wonder if his parents are for real. They are so good to me. His mother would just call me to check up on me and they know that their son has his woman in America. I have two more years in university. His fiancee is not planning to live in Jamaica, so he would have to join her there. Whenever I say that to him, he says that is not something he is looking forward to, because he would love to take over his parents' business in Jamaica. I don't know if this man would do so. Sometimes when I call him, I know he is with his woman in bed because he cannot talk to me straight, and he tells me that he will get back to me in the morning. That means his woman is with him and I get very angry, but I don't fuss about it because I know that there are two of us in the 'runnings'.

This is not the first guy for me but he is the most reliable. My first boyfriend was 60 years old and I was 17 when he took my virginity. He was divorced and he encouraged me to find a younger man. I met this other man at a party and it was love at first sight. Right now, I have two bank accounts, one in Jamaican currency and the other in US currency. He puts money directly into my US account because his name is also in that account. I don't argue with him about his girlfriend because she was there before me and I am hanging on, hoping that I will win over his love.

S.A.

Dear S.A.,

You are in love with a man who evidently is from a wealthy family. He declared to you that is fiancee lives in America.

Right now, you enjoy playing the 'side chick' role because this man is supporting you very well. You are in university and he is taking very good care of you. So let me stop right here and ask you this question, do you think you can win over this' man love totally? Or do you believe that it is just prudent for you to keep quiet and enjoy him whenever he is available? As I see it, you cannot be sure where this relationship is going and where or when it would end. His woman in America does not know about you. He told you about her so as not to have you making claims on him, and he wants you to know that he may not always be available to you.

You are only 19 years old. You might me annoyed by what I am going to tell you but I am going to do so nevertheless. This is not a good relationship for you to be in; it is convenient for this man to have you while his fiancee is living aboard, and if she continues to live aboard, you would remain his side chick. Whenever you get tired of being his side chick, he is going to remind you that he told you about his situation when you first met and it did not worry you at the time, so it should not be a bother to you now.

So enjoy the relationship and the money but do not plan your future with him.

Pastor