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Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am a graduate of a prominent high school. While attending high school, I was told by some of my teachers that I would be a good lawyer.

They used to tell my parents that they should not give up on me because of what happened to my sister. She got pregnant when she was 16, and when she was 18, she left our home and went to live with her child's father. My parents begged her to leave the man and come home, but she didn't. She got pregnant again when she was 18, and this time my father said he didn't want her to come to the house with two children.

I received help from my uncles and aunts who are in North America to attend university. I did not study law, but I am happy for the field that I am in. It has not been easy to walk circumspectly. I have a boyfriend, and occasionally, we have sex. This man has three children. His youngest child is in my age group. He is like a father to me. I can't take him home to meet my parents because I know they would go crazy. He is 50 years old. But with him in my life, my financial needs are met.

But I did not know that this man was married. When I met him, he told me he was not. I asked him why and he said marriage is not for everybody. I believed him. I was invited to an event and I saw when my boyfriend pulled up and dropped off his daughter and his wife was in the car with him. I introduced myself to his daughter and she was very friendly. Of course I could not tell her that her father and I are romantically involved. We exchanged numbers and we started talking on the phone. This man was still living with his wife. Whenever he wanted to have sex with me, he would take me to hotels and he was always telling me that he could not take me home because his children were there. He was always warning me not to have any other man in my life but him. I used to believe every word he told me, but they were all lies.

I don't know what to do because I have grown to love him so much. I love him and hate him at the same time. I don't know if you understand what I mean. He has offered me a job in his office. He has his own secretary but he said I would assist her. But I wouldn't have much to do and that would give us more time together. His secretary worked with him for many years. I have turned down his offer and he told me I am turning down money, so I should not expect any help from him during the summer. That makes me hate him even more because I need the money. My aunt told me I should try and get a summer job.

What do you think about this man? His wife and children will be going abroad for part of the summer.

D.E.

Dear D.E.,

Men continue to lie to women about their status. I deal with this type of situation almost every day.

What is bothersome is when the men are caught lying, they do not express any feelings of remorse. They behave as if it is a thing that women should expect. You are a young girl; you have come to know the truth. You are getting help from your uncles and aunts living in North America.

End the relationship with this man. If you don't, it is likely that his daughter will find out that you are having a relationship with her dad and she would tell her mother. This man is a liar. Look around for another job for the summer. Be careful, this man is wicked.

Pastor