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Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope that you can help me. I am a young girl living with my boyfriend.

We have been together for seven months and we quarrel every day. He tells me that I should go home to my parents. I left home because my stepfather put question to me and I turned him down. I told my mother and she said she did not believe me. She asked him and he told her that I was the one who approached him for money and I told him that I would be willing to have sex with him. My mother believed him and she told me that this man and her have been living together for five years, so why would he look to me for sex.

My mother told me to pack everything I have and leave because my stepfather couldn't 'f' me and her at the same time. My brothers stood up for me and they told my mother that my step father was lying. They left the house when I left. My brothers have friend who they are staying with. My boyfriend took me in, but I have to be hiding because he is a Christian and is active in his church. He is not supposed to have me staying with him.

We love each other. He leaves early in the morning for work and I go with him. We live in an apartment. He comes home late at nights. Not even the neighbours know that I am here. He drives a car and the windows are heavily tinted. He is 24 and I am 17. He is trying to get another place to live where he would not have to hide me. If his church members know that he is living with a woman, they would disfellowship him and ask him to sit on the back bench. I have to be going here and there during the day until he is able to pick me up.

I hate what I am going through and I hate my mother. I don't even consider her as my mother because she should be standing up for me instead of siding with my stepfather. My boyfriend is hoping to marry me when I am 18. I will be 18 in October.

C.S.

Dear C.S.,

Your mother has disgraced herself by not believing that your stepfather approached you for sex.

She took his side, but I want to tell you not to be overly worried about what she did. Many women have not believed their daughters when they complained that their stepfathers or fathers approached them for sex. Many mothers have told their daughters to keep quiet about it because the stepfathers are supporting the home. So it is not unusual for mothers to tell their daughters that they do not believe what they are saying about these men.

You know you are talking the truth, but your stepfather denied everything and told your mother that you approached him for money and offered him sex. The man is a wicked brute. I am glad that your brothers stood up for you and I am sure that the day will come when your mother will regret not having her children at the house. She has lost all of you. Nevertheless, I hope that although she has turned you out of the house, you may come to the place where you forgive her and accept what she has done as ignorance. Look at it as something done to you by someone who is not very intelligent.

Concerning your boyfriend and the conditions you live at the moment, this man has taken you in, but you are not free to move around. Sometimes he tells you to go back home. I hope that he will find another place to live, so he would not have to be hiding you. I do hope that both of you would get married very soon, so that you can be free to move around. Then you would be free to attend his church and be very active there.

Pastor