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Dear Pastor,

I started reading your column when I was a young boy. Whenever I saw THE STAR, I bought it just because I know your column is in it.

I am in my 40s. I am married but I do not have children. I have given up on that. The doctors have not been able to help me. My wife has remained faithful. Both of us love children. We have decided that we may adopt two children. We keep saying it, but we haven't done anything about it.

My father has more than 20 of us. He was a wild man. When I was 15 years old I came home from school and caught my father having sex with our helper. He didn't say anything to me, but the helper begged me not to tell my mother. I told one of my brothers and both of us decided not to tell our mom. Our father was very kind, but he had a weakness for women.

Several women called my mother and told her that they were pregnant for my father. He denied it, but my mother used to tell the women that she can't help them. In those days, DNA was not popular, so many of the children didn't carry our last name.

My mother stayed with my father because he treated her well, and he took care of the family.

My brother has children and my sisters also have children, but the curse is on me. I cannot have children.

The helper, who I saw having sex with my father, is still around. We greet each other cordially whenever we meet. She has a couple children, but was never married. There are times that I give her money to help take care of her children. I remember that she used to wash my dirty khaki pants. She was very respectful to my mother and my mother helped her.

I remember when I told my brother that I saw her having sex with our father, he said she was helping out my mother and we laughed about it.

Our parents are now in their 80s and they have worked hard and invested their money. My father is half Chinese. He is a short man and women loved him. When you see my father, you would wonder what women saw in him. He did not talk much.

I can say he was a very good businessman. We have never experienced poverty. All my siblings in our household have been to university and all of us are doing well. I would not give you my name, but you know me and I know you very well. One of these days I will drop by your office to see you. I just want to tell you to keep up the good work until I see you.

L.

Dear L.,

Your father and the helper were careless. I suppose they did not realise that you were going to come from school so early, so they did not lock the door of the room they were using to have sex. Your father behaved as if he didn't care whether or not you told your mother. He did not say anything to you, but the helper begged you not to say anything to your mother. She did not want to lose her job and she didn't want to cause uproar in the house. But you felt you had to tell somebody, so you told your brother what you witnessed.

I suppose you could look back at the situation and feel proud of yourself, that at least you did not cause your mother and father to have a big fight.

I am glad that from time to time, you assist the helper with whatever she asked you for. Yes, she was paid to do the work in the house, but a helper's work is never done.

Your father was never satisfied with having one woman, so your brother was probably right when he jokingly said that the helper was helping out your mother because your mother couldn't satisfy the strong desire that your father had for sex.

A lady told me that she has been the side chick of a man and she knew that she was not the only side chick; he had others. The man told her that although he is happily married, he has never had one woman. Some people say women who have many male lovers with whom they have sex often have white liver. So what should a man who has man sexual partners be called?

My friend, I am sorry to hear that your wife and you are not able to have children. You are in your 40s, so if your wife and you are serious to adopt a couple children, I urge you to do so now. You are strong enough to run around with these children and you should not wait until you are old because it would be difficult to keep up with them.

Pastor