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Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and unmarried, but I have two sons. I always wanted to have a daughter, but I gave up on that when my sons' father got involved with my best friend.

I was living with my grandmother and my boyfriend was living alone. I had introduced him to my best friend. This girl and I went to high school together. We went out together. We used to wear each other's clothes. I told her my secrets. I thought she would keep my secret as I kept hers. When I had my first son, my boyfriend promised that he would marry me. He bought me an engagement ring and we had an engagement party. I did not plan to have a second child so soon, but it happened. One evening I wanted to see him and I called his number a million times and there was no response. I did not think of calling my best friend. I took a taxi to his house and what did I see? I saw my best friend's car parked at his house. I became suspicious. I had a key, so I opened the front door and he did not hear me. I walked in and I saw my best friend and my babyfather having sex. She was on top of him and was so engaged in the sex that it was when I called out that she jumped off and tried to hide her private parts.

My boyfriend asked "Why didn't you call?" I asked "Why didn't you answer? You didn't answer because you took off your phone." My best friend said to him, "Look what you caused." I took up the broom and I was going after her and my babyfather held me back, saying "Remember you are pregnant." I made up my mind that I would not marry this man. It hurt me to know that my best friend had her own man. She begged me not to tell him that I caught her with my man.

I did not know that a woman could be so wicked to me. After I left this man, he fathered three other children, so now he has five children. My former best friend lost her boyfriend, but I never told him that I caught her having sex with my children's father, so I don't know why they broke up. But I will never trust another woman with my man, if I happen to have one. I have thrown my life into raising my boys. I am very proud of them and they are doing very well in school.

I am still living at home, but I do own a house. The rent is assisting me in paying the mortgage. I get lonely sometimes, but I have learned not to trust anybody, especially women. I have brothers and they take my sons with them to football games and to tennis. I also allow them to call their father on his birthday and on Father's Day. But they are not allowed to go to his house. The man is very wild and cannot control himself.

H.W.

Dear H.W.,

I am taking a risk by making a suggestion. Don't give up on men. You are only 40 years old. You may have many more years to live.

Your children's father has disappointed you. Your best friend has evidently tried to take him away from you, but whatever plans she had in mind, they were wasted. Some men cannot be trusted, neither can some women. Your boyfriend did not expect you to visit him. But you were concerned and that is why you went to his house. He was a careless man and that girl could not have been your best friend. Whatever might have happened between her boyfriend and her, she ended up not getting married and you chased your children's father out of your life. But you have done very well. You have a home of your own while continuing to live at your parents' house. You are a wise woman.

But don't give up on having a husband; you are not too old to get married. There might be a Mr Right somewhere for you. Educate your children; they will love you for pouring your life into them and they may help you to have a very bright and enjoyable future. I wish you well, I really do.

Pastor