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Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and my girlfriend is 20. She is my first serious girlfriend. I used to play around with other girls, but I was not serious about them.

But I fell in love with this girl and I hope that when the time comes, we can get married. We were watching television together and she asked if she could ask me a question that I would not hold it against her. I told her I would not hold it against her if it is something that happened a long time ago. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes.

She said when she was 17 years old, her brother who was 21 years old, had sex with her. I was very surprised. I asked her why she did not report the brother to her parents and she said she was afraid. This brother used to give her anything that she asked him for. I asked her if she had sex with him only once and she said yes. But it has always bothered her. She said she told her brother that she would not tell that to anybody. Even now, whenever she is in need of any money, she would ask her brother and he would let her have it.

Since she has told me what she did with her brother, I have lost respect for her brother, but I am still in love with my girlfriend. Whenever she is planning to go anywhere and that brother is going to be there, I don't want her to go. A relative of the family died and her brother and his girlfriend were going to the funeral, and she was going to travel with them. She had to beg me to allow her to go with them because I don't trust her brother. She told me that she is sorry for telling me what happened between the both of them, and that would never happen again.

K.D.

Dear K.D.,

I hope that you will not hold what has happened between your girlfriend and her brother against her.

She did not have to tell you about it. She trusts you. She has confidence in you, so you should never taunt her for what has happened. Her brother took advantage of her and she kept quiet about it. But I repeat, she didn't have to tell you. So try and let go of this matter. It is in the past. If you love her, don't allow what has happened to prevent you from marrying her when the time comes.

Pastor