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Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have been living with my 29-year-old boyfriend for the past two years. We have a child together.

When I met him, he did not tell me that he has four children. He told that me he did not have any. He said he was always careful with women and I believed him. I was glad to leave my parents' house. I wanted a break from my stepfather. He was always cursing and saying that every child who is over 18 should not be under their parents' roof. I knew that this man didn't like me. He lied on me a few times, so I developed hatred in my heart for him.

So when I met this man and he took me to where he was living, I said I would like to go home and pack my stuff and move in. He asked me if I was sure that is what I wanted and I said yes. So, he took me home and I told my mother that I was moving out. She asked me where I was going and I told her I found a man who promised to take care of me. My mother told me to tell my stepfather that I was leaving, but I did not.

I have two younger sisters, so I left some of my clothes for them. My boyfriend picked me up and I introduced him to my mother. She begged him to take care of me because I am her oldest daughter. He promised that he would. Soon after I started to live with this man, he got me pregnant and that's when he told me about his children. He said he was not sure that they were all his, but the women said so, and he accepted them.

When our son was born, I wanted us to call him Junior, but my boyfriend said that one of his sons already carries that title. I am so disappointed in this man. He treats me well, but I cannot trust him any more. I told my mother about the children. She said if he is not ill-treating me, I should stay with him. But, Pastor, I would like to move on with my life. I know other guys who like me. I have contacted him and I told him not to give up on me. I am giving myself a little time to get over my shock. I cannot stay with this man.

I am on the Pill, but he does not know. I told him he should use the condom, but he refused. He told me that he would like all his children to come to the house on Emancipation Day. I told him that they can come, but I will not be there. I don't have anything against his children, but I plan to spend that day with my mother. I don't see why I should cook for this man's children. I told him if he is not sure that they are all his, he should do DNA tests, but he has not answered.

I give him credit for paying all my bills and providing for me and my baby. Perhaps one of these days I will hear more shocking news from him, so I am trying to rekindle the brief relationship I had with the other guy. What do you have to say on this matter?

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

I do not respect men who say that children were 'given to them,' but they are not sure that they fathered these children.

Sometimes when some men are asked how many children they have, they respond by saying "Is such and such I get." They are trying to say that women throw these children on them, but they are not sure that they fathered these children. That's the attitude that your child's father has taken.

You say he is a good man, and he has helped you. I am sure you would have to admit that you were in a hurry to live with this man because of the situation at your mother's house. Your stepfather did not want you there. You did not use wisdom in finding out anything about this man, so you allowed him to fool you. Now you are in a pickle, so to speak.

You did not expect to be the stepmother of so many children. This man is a liar and I encourage you to get yourself a job, go back to school and pursue a career. You are quite correct in going on the Pill; make sure this man doesn't get you pregnant again. Get yourself a job as soon as you are able.

Concerning the other guy that you have known - be very careful with him too. If you are renewing the friendship, both of you should go and see a family counsellor, but please do not go and live with him.

Pastor