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Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I have a problem. I never thought that I would have any reason to talk to a counsellor.

I am 17 and I live with my parents and two siblings. My parents were very strict. We were well cared for as children. I was the only daughter. I played football and cricket, so I was like a tomboy. I enjoyed all the things my brothers did. When it came to schoolwork, we couldn't fool around; we had to do it. My father is a teacher, so after doing my homework, he would look over it before I submitted it to my teachers. While my brothers were allowed to go out on their own, if I wanted to go anywhere, my parents insisted that I should not. When I look back now, I understand why my parents didn't encourage me to go out alone, and I thank them for that.

I have a boyfriend. I met him through a friend, but it is not going to last because he is not very ambitious. He is 18, but he doesn't know what he wants. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he said he wanted to join the police force, and then he changed and said he wanted to join the army. One day my mother asked me what my boyfriend does and I told her that he wants to be a soldier. She asked why a soldier and I told her that is what he likes. Now he has changed his mind again; he wants to study computer science, so he is hoping to attend the University of Technology (UTech).

I am hoping to be a nurse and I also plan to attend UTech. Now my parents are saying that this guy wants to go there to be close to me. That was not in his overall plan. He does not have the money to study there, but his relatives who are abroad plan to assist him. I can tell you that I love this guy, but I would have preferred if he had chosen a better career. Now he is begging me to help him buy a computer. I have a fairly new one, but I cannot ask my parents to help me with one because they know nothing is wrong with mine. He doesn't have anyone to help him purchase a new computer. He is doing a little work in a store to help him with pocket money, but it is not paying much.

I can't say these things to my parents, but my brothers and I talk about him all the time. He has become friendly with them. He is bright but I changed my mind from attending UTech, so that my parents will not continue to say that we just want to be together all the time.

P.A.

Dear P.A.,

I hope your parents will stop saying that this young man is planning to study at UTech because you plan to attend there.

It is a good school, so when both of you are there together, that should not affect your studies. If you don't study, you would fail your courses, and that would also be true of the young man. Both of you are adults; no one has to watch over you. You would bring shame on yourself if you failed your courses, and the same would be true of the young man, so I hope your parents would stop talking as if they cannot trust you.

Young lady, it is not unusual for a young man to take a while to decide what he really wants to do with his life. This young man said he wanted to be a police officer; then he changed and said he wanted to be a soldier. Now he has decided to do computer science. That does not mean he is unstable. I am hoping that he will work enough money to buy his own computer. He is a trying young man; I don't know why you consider that he is not ambitious. If he had told you that he wants to do medicine, I suppose you would consider him to be ambitious.

This is what he likes - to work with computers. So encourage him and be proud of him. I wish both of you well.

Pastor