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Dear Pastor,

I am a 41-year-old woman, and what I am about to share is difficult, but I need someone to talk to, and I have chosen you.

I have one daughter, and recently she told me she was in a relationship and wanted to introduce her boyfriend to me. I was eager to meet the young man--until I actually did. When I saw him, I was stunned. This is a young man whom I taught in school and he was very bright. When I say he was very bright, I mean he was very rude. He did not know his place and has even put questions to me

He wasn't inappropriate with just me. Other female teachers also shared similar experiences. When I confronted him during the introduction, I said, "No, not this man," and I told my daughter that he is not welcome in my house.

The young man told my daughter he was only joking when he put question to me, but if I had agreed, it would have been a different matter. My daughter said I shouldn't hold that against him because "young men nowadays like older women." But I told her that I was his teacher and I could never lower myself to entertain such behaviour, especially from a former student.

I also told her that if she has any respect for me, she should not continue a relationship with him. I only have one child, and whatever I have will go to her, but I do not want her to marry a man I cannot respect--especially one who disrespected me and my profession.

I discussed the matter with one of my colleagues, who revealed that this same young man also made sexual advances toward her. She was just as shocked as I was when I told her that he is now involved with my daughter.

My relationship with my daughter has become strained because of this, and I recently learned that this man also has a child with another woman, though he claims they are no longer involved.

Pastor, do you agree that my daughter should have nothing to do with this man? Please speak honestly--I will not take offence. I would also love to come to your office and speak with you in person, and if possible, bring my daughter as well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely,

F.T.

Dear F.T

Some people may say that you should remember that you cannot choose for your daughter. On the other hand, you know this guy very well because you taught him in school, and he is not a young man of good character. He has no respect for you as his teacher, or for other female teachers, and he felt that nothing was wrong in trying to have sex with his teachers.

I must add quickly that some female teachers have, unfortunately, allowed themselves to be in love with some of these young men, and these young men have bragged about it. However, you have had high standards and you refuse to low your standard and be sexually involved with him or any of the guys for that matter.

Your daughter should not try to defend this man. Perhaps, she might be saying to herself that the relationship between herself and him has gone far (You know what I mean), and so it is difficult to tell this young man to go his way. Whatever they might have done together is not good enough to cause you to receive him into the family. If your daughter loves you, she would try to understand and end the relationship with this young man forthwith.

I would be very happy to meet with you and your daughter. Please call my office and set up an appointment. My office number is (876) 929-1667.

Pastor