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Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I was having a relationship with a man who is 30. I am Jamaican, but he is from Africa.

When I first met him on campus, I told him I did not want to be friendly with any man who is from Africa. At that time, I was talking to a man from Barbados and he knew the guy. He tried his best to get with me, but I ignored him for a long time. I told my Bajan friend about him and he warned me by saying that these guys have more than one wife. But I can be assured that I am the only one he loves.

The guy from Africa and I broke up because he had only one aim and that was to take me to bed. Every time we met, he was asking me for sex. I could not ignore him. He always had money, so I asked him how come and he said that his parents were taking care of him. He said that he was going back home to get involved in politics. I told him I did not want to have a politician as my husband and he said he always wanted to be a politician, so I stopped seeing him.

I began to show more interest to the man from Barbados. I found him to be a very decent man, but he told me that some people from Barbados, especially the women, are always saying that Jamaican women take men away from Barbados. He was very respectful to me. He was also a good dancer. So whenever we met at his house, he used to play soca music and he taught me how to dance to the soca beat. Unfortunately, he had to return to Barbados because of family problems. We kept in touch for a while, but the relationship died.

I am now with another man, but I do not love him. I am only with him because of what he can give me. I have bills to pay and this man can afford to help me. I am now carrying his child and he has stopped me from working. But something is wrong because I cannot find myself loving this man. He has two adult children. He introduced me to them. His son is very nice to me, but his daughter does not say anything to me. He told me that she asked him whether he is sure that the child I am carrying is his. Don't you think she is out of order? She thinks that because I am much younger than this man that I will give him jacket. But I don't have to do so.

I am only pregnant because the condom broke and I did not take care of myself the following day. We were spending the weekend in a remote area and I could not get to the pharmacy to buy the Pill. I told him if he has any question about the child I am carrying, then we can do a DNA test soon after I give birth.

What can I do to love this man? Even in having sex with him, I am just going through the motions.

P.F.

Dear P.F.,

You are not honest to yourself, so you know that this relationship will not last.

You might be scared to let this man know how you feel about him, but I would be surprised if he is not aware that you are not genuine. You cannot pretend forever. I hope that you will get yourself a job as soon as you are able and not rely on this man for support, because you are not sincere. You should not be taking his money if you do not love him.

A man should drink from his own cistern and it must not be contaminated. Men are destroying women because the women are playing around with other men. Don't allow that to happen to you. If you don't love the man, try your best to get out of the situation in which you have found yourself. Love cannot be bought. Love is from the heart. You will never be able to force yourself to love this man.

Pastor