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Dear Pastor,

I have enjoyed reading your column. I have encouraged others to read and take your advice.

Although I am in my late 30s, I continue to appreciate what you write and to take your advice. I have two children and I wish that I had them by another man because their father is no good. We still live together, but he barely helps with the bills. Most of his money goes into gambling--he plays Cash Pot every single day. If it weren't for my sisters, I don't know how I would manage.

One of my sisters has two daughters with good jobs. They always buy nice clothes for their kids and travel every year, and they never forget to bring back beautiful dresses for my children.

I won't lie to you, Pastor. There were a few times I ended up going with another man. My husband has no idea, but the truth is, he pushed me into it. He left me with no choice.

I have a car and the air conditioning unit broke. I asked my husband for some money to do the repairs and he said that I don't have to have air condition in the car.

On Valentine's Day, I went and stay with my parents and I made a plan with this man who told me to get the estimate of how much it will cost to repair my air condition. I called my husband to let him know that the children and I are at my parents. This man picked me up late that night. I am ashamed to tell you this, but I spent a couple hours with him. I gave all of myself to him, and he gave me the money to repair my car.

Some people may say that I am bad, but when I looked at what he gave me in the envelope, it was much more than what it cost to repair my vehicle. I paid for the repairs and I had enough money left over to purchase a few personal items for myself.

This man is married. We have promised ourselves that we will do it again, but he said he does not want to leave his wife. I told him that I do not want him to leave her, either. However, we agreed that we can steal love on the side.

Sometimes I look at my husband and laugh silently to myself, thinking, 'If only you knew what I've had to do just to survive.' When the cable bill is due and I don't have the money, I ask him for help, but he always says he's broke and that we don't need cable. And in those moments, I wonder: If I have to keep turning to another man and sacrificing myself just to make ends meet, then maybe it's better I leave this marriage altogether.

I am still very attractive and this is the first time I went with another man. I beg you, please, don't condemn me. Keep up the good work, Pastor, and give me your advice.

T.B.

Dear T.B.,

I could never encourage you to have sex with another man, but I recognise that your husband is very stupid. I am sure he knows that your relatives assist you financially from time to time.

When you ask him for assistance to pay bills, he behaves as if they do not have to be paid. He is a fool. The question is, from where does he expect you to have money? He spends a lot of his money in gambling. That is how he gets his fun and I will not condemn him for doing so, but a man should always take care of his yard, and he is failing at that.

I may be condemned by some of my readers for saying this, but if a man does not take care of his yard (house), somebody will take care of it for him. However, that person will pay a price.

I am sorry that you had to give yourself to another man to get money to repair your vehicle, but I am begging you, please, don't do that again. That is very dangerous. You don't know what your crazy husband may do to you if he finds out.

I suggest that you should tell your husband that you want both of you to go for counselling. Let us hope that he would agree. If he does, call a family counsellor and make an appointment to see him or her.

Pastor