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Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am in college. My mother and grandparents have helped me through life thus far.

I have a struggle in my heart because I hate my father. I saw him beat my mother and I could not help her. He punched and kicked her and called her a whore. He accused her of having an affair with one of his friends but nothing like that happened.

This friend that he was talking about was a close friend to the family. He used to come to the house, not to see my mother, but to rap with my grandparents and to bring produce from his farm. People told my father that the man was coming to visit my mother and she tried to explain to my father that she and the man had nothing going on. When he would not listen, my mother told him that he was ignorant and stupid, so he grabbed her and started to beat her. My grandmother tried to intervene and he threatened that he would beat her too. Neighbours came out and told him to stop beating my mother and he said she was lucky he didn't chop her up. After that incident, I could not love my father. He stopped giving money to support me. My grandfather told my mother not to ask him for any money. While the neighbours told my mother to go to the police, my grandmother told her that the police would arrest him and I would suffer. So she went to a doctor who took care of her wounds.

Now that I am in college, my father is trying to be sweet to me and telling everybody that I am his daughter. But I cannot come to the place where I can forgive this man. My mother started to attend church after that incident and she told me that becoming a Christian has really helped her. She used to wish that she could get revenge against him, but since becoming a Christian, she doesn't want anything bad to happen to him because she always remembers that I am his daughter. But, Pastor, I cannot forgive this man. He is a wicked man and I will not give him anything when he becomes ill.

I have a boyfriend and I told him if we ever have a disagreement, he should not raise his hand and hit me because I will not do like my mother, I will hurt him.

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

I am glad that your mother became a Christian and evidently she has forgiven this man for ill-treating her.

Some men think that every man who talks to their girlfriends or babymothers is having affairs with them. There is a lady who calls the Dear Pastor Show and she has said many times that most of her friends are men. She does not like women friends. Your mother was not guilty of infidelity. Since she started attending church, she has learnt to do what the Bible says " do not render evil for evil."

You believe in 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'. You believe in practising the Old Testament law or what is called the law of Moses. But by the grace of God, we should learn to forgive. Leave every matter in Gods' hands and God will take care of everything. It might take a long while for you to see that God is working, but God is always on time.

I hope the day will come when you would be able to forgive your father. If he is in need of help, do what you can to help him. Before I go, I must say that forgiving your father does not mean that you will ever forget what he did. I am trying to say that you would not hold anything against him. He will always be your father and you should never forget that.

Pastor