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Dear Pastor,

I am 43 years old and I am single. When I was 20, I fell in love with a man and that relationship lasted for two years.

From we met, he promised that he would marry me, so I stayed with him and was faithful to him. I met other guys, but I told them I was taken, so I did not entertain them at all. I did not go out on dates with any of these guys who showed interest in me. Even when my boyfriend was away for six months, I did not go out with any man. There were times I went out with other girls to see plays and local comedy. I was true to this man.

After two years, I asked him when we were going to get married. He said I should give him another two years. I reminded him that my clock is ticking away and I did not want to get pregnant when I am old. He said that I could get pregnant whenever I am ready if I would stop using contraceptives. I did not know that the reason why this man was talking like that was because he had another girlfriend and she was living in the United States of America. My father loved this man and he offered us land to build our house after we were married. My father had bought two lots of land and he was willing to give me one and the other to my brother. I told my father what my boyfriend had said about giving him two more years and my father said that was strange, so he spoke to my boyfriend about it and my boyfriend lied to my father by telling him that it was my choice not to get married.

One evening we were together at his house and the phone rang and he told the person on the line that he could not speak, but he would do so later. I became suspicious and I took note of the number. When he left, I dialled the number and a woman answered. I pretended to be his sister and I asked her how long they have been going together and she told me for about a year and a half. She also said that they are planning to get married. That was enough information for me. So the following day when he came by, I told him that visit should be his last visit and I told him why. He denied that he had a girlfriend, so I dialled the number in his presence and the young woman answered. I told her that he was with me and that he was saying she is not his girlfriend. He was speechless; he could not defend himself, so we broke up.

I suffered from stress for a long time until I met a man. We are planning to get married. I still have trust issues. What should I do?

E.T.

Dear E.T.,

You should make an appointment to see a family counsellor. You need to see the counsellor alone for a session and then ask this man who is interested in marrying you to accompany you to the other sessions. You are in your 40s, so you should be extremely careful how you handle this relationship.

Trust and good communication are important in a relationship. If you can't trust your boyfriend, you should not get married. I wish both of you well.

Pastor