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Dear Pastor,

For years I have been reading your column, but it was my then girlfriend who introduced it to me.

When we went on dates, half of our time was spent talking about what you had in your column. So we got married and everything was going well. We have three children, but now things have changed. My wife is seven years younger than I am. Diabetes is my problem now, so I am not able to perform 100 per cent in the bedroom. I am on medication. I am trying, but every day my wife complains that she is not having enough sex and she is threatening to find another man. For that reason, I asked a friend who lives in America to bring a vibrator for me when he was coming to Jamaica.

I wasn't embarrassed to tell him the real reason why I need the vibrator. He brought it and my wife has been using it. Sometimes when I look at her carrying on with the vibrator, I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes in the middle of the night, she gets up from the bed and take off her clothes. I say to her, "Let me try to make you happy" and she ignores me. I did not know that a woman could make so much noise from using a vibrator, especially when she is about to have an orgasm. The doctor has me on a strict diet and my condition has improved. But my wife is ignoring me now and the vibrator has taken my place. Sometimes I tell myself that I made a mistake by purchasing it for her. I told my wife that I am going to hide the vibrator since it has totally taken my place. She said she will purchase one for herself.

My wife and I are Christians. We don't want to go to our pastor to discuss this matter with him. I know that you would give us good advice. So I am turning to you. Did I make a mistake by purchasing a vibrator? As I said, my condition has improved, but my wife wants more than I am able to do. So please give me your advice.

L.M.

Dear L.M.,

I am happy to know that your wife and you have been reading my column for a long time.

However, I regret hearing that you are suffering from diabetes. Evidently, your wife is not assisting you very well. It never used to be so. You were a happy couple. But your diabetes has changed everything. It seems to me that you are very fearful that your wife may carry out the threat of finding another man. That is part of the reason why you bought her a vibrator.

Let me hasten to say that some couples use vibrators for fun. As you know, one of the side effects of diabetes is impotence. But your doctor, I am sure, has told you what to do, and that your diet is very important. I am sure your doctor has told you what to use that can help you to function as a normal man. One of the reasons why counselling is important is that a trained counsellor can tell you what to do in bed if your wife would cooperate. That seems to be your big problem - getting her to work with you instead of threatening you. The vibrator is not the problem; the problem is the lack of cooperation from your wife.

Brother, I need to remind you that no man has the ability to give a woman the type sensation that a vibrator would. So when you hear your wife carrying on as if she is going crazy, try and remain cool because the vibrator, when properly used by a woman, can make her experience multiple orgasms. You have already bought the vibrator - don't create more problems for yourself by hiding it. Trust your doctor or find a counsellor in whom you can trust, and your wife and you should see him or her as soon as possible.

Pastor