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Dear Pastor,

I am in my 40s and I am the mother of five children. I was never married and presently, I am living with a man who is the father of two of my children.

I am struggling. This man doesn't have a steady job. He is trying his best, so he goes around cutting lawns. But he has to employ others to work with him. My relatives don't help me much. They say I am living with this man because I have no ambition. But the father of my other children did not treat me right. When I was pregnant with my first child, he told me to throw away the belly, and I refused. We were not living together initially, but I was forced to live with him. Six months after I had my first child, I got pregnant again. My mother called me worthless. But I got a job to clean a doctor's office, and so I was able to help myself.

The doctor suggested that I should go on the Pill, but I did not follow the instructions properly, so I got pregnant again. The man said that the third child was not his. But he was raising different arguments for us to break up. He said he had a dream that he saw me in bed with another man, but that was a big lie. One night we had a fight and he punched me in my face and broke my denture. I had to call the neighbours to help me, and they also spoke to him. He told them that I have another man and the third child was not for him. The neighbours told me that it was better for us to part. I decided to go to the police station, but the neighbours would not take me. They said that they were not going to encourage me to have him locked up.

I packed up my belongings and the following day I went home. It was not convenient for me to stay there. My children and I had to sleep on the floor. When I went to work, I told the doctor what I was going through and he said that I should not go back to my children's father. So I became friendly with the man I am living with. He can barely read, but he has never disrespected me. Whatever he earns he gives to me, and I try to treat him well. The other children's father hardly supports them, but I don't want to drag him to court. The children are doing well in school, but I am always suffering. I worry so much about my situation. This man doesn't allow anything to bother him. He is proud of me. Although he is not educated, I am willing to marry him and stop fretting about my future. I would like to become a true Christian and live a decent life.

L.M.

Dear L.M.,

There are some people who believe that it is natural for humans to worry and that worrying cannot be controlled.

Well, I can tell you that you will not change the condition in which you have found yourself by worrying. I knew a young woman who recently passed; she was a heavy smoker. Smoking was one way of fighting worry. She was a chain smoker and she changed boyfriends regularly, and every one of them caused her much worry. One day she got very annoyed with one of her boyfriends. He had parked his car at the gate and she went out, smashed the screen, and damaged other parts of his vehicle. But it did not change her situation. It affected her mentally and she had to be treated by a psychiatrist.

No one can get over worry by waving a magic wand, but I know for sure that if one puts one's trust and confidence in God, one can fight worry. The Bible says " casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you". You are fearful of your future. You need to take that to the Lord God in prayer. I have said in the past that Psalm 37 should be read multiple times by people who worry a lot and suffer from anxiety. The future is unknown, but one does not need to worry if one believes in God and learns to trust Him. I had a colleague who would suffer from diarrhoea whenever he had to travel on an airplane. Some people sweat a lot when they have to take exams. Some suffer from loss of appetite, and even dizziness.

What I want to tell you is that you should not ignore your feelings. Take everything to the good Lord in prayer. If you ever believe that your feelings are uncontrollable, talk to your doctor. He/she may have to give you an injection to quiet your nerves, so to speak. Thanks for writing.

Pastor