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Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old mother of two - one boy and one girl. My daughter has always loved to read and attend school.

But my son was never interested in reading. He took a long time to learn. He is always outside the house with his father working on cars. I told him that nothing is wrong in helping his father, but he should do his homework. I try to help him with his homework, but I could never get him to settle down. His father said I should not push him. But it bothers me to see how well our daughter is doing and her brother is not showing any interest in school.

The last school report he came home with showed Ds and Cs. I said this is a bad report and he said "No mommy, I did not fail; I passed all my subjects." He told me that some of his friends had Fs on their reports. I talked to my husband about sending this boy to another school or to attend evening classes, but my husband said we would be wasting our money. The principal of the school agrees with my husband. He said the boy will change. His sister is way ahead of him, although he is older. His sister is very bright.

I told his grandmother of the struggles I am having with him and she said his father didn't take to the books either. When I asked my son what he wants to do after high school, he said he wants to be a businessman. I told him that people will rob him because they would realise that he is not very smart. He said no, people won't be able to rob him.

I don't know if you have dealt with children who don't like school. What kind of suggestion can you give to me?

A.W.

Dear A.W.,

You did not give the age of your son, but I am assuming that you have become very frustrated.

You believe that his father should insist that he does his schoolwork. His father believes that you are fussing over him unnecessarily. You want a son who would excel in school and get very good grades. But right now, you believe that your son is a time waster. Some years ago, a survey was taken in America and it revealed that about 60 per cent of teenagers spend less than five hours per week on their homework. Six per cent say that they did not have any homework - they lied - and some simply say that they did not do their homework.

Some children are late bloomers while others are just not interested in going to school. Some lack motivation. Some parents fail to understand that "motivation is the engine that drives behaviour. Almost all activity is initiated and continued because of motivation. When motivation is high, students are set to be high achievers." So what can be done to motivate your son? What is it that is causing your son to be labelled, perhaps as 'dunce'? Stay inside and doing homework is boring to him. Perhaps his sister likes to read and work out problems, but he would rather be outside with his dad working on cars.

This young man may not be college material, but he needs help in developing good study habits. You should go with him to the library at least once per week and every day when he comes from school, you should examine his books. He might be having some psychological problem, so perhaps you should consider taking him to see a psychologist. Do not compare him with his sister.

I believe that he will change, so don't curse him. However, see to it that he spends at least an hour and a half to two hours on his homework when he gets home every day from school. If he does not bring home any homework, you should contact his teachers. Don't try to stop him from working with his father. Do not press him to do any homework on a Friday evening, but on the Sunday evening, review what he did for the week. As his grades improve, reward him by purchasing something that you know he would like to have.

Pastor