ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am living with a man who is 30 in his apartment. He started to help me when I was attending high school.

My parents are very poor but my father has seven daughters. He told us that the reason for that is because he loves women. He does gardening work. He has his own lawnmower and he cuts lawns in various yards. My mother does higglering. She was always faithful to my father. I have never heard them quarrel. Whenever she is upset with him, he would just hug her up and kiss her, and we just laughed. Every Friday, my father would bring home something for my mother. Sometime it was just chocolate or sweets, and he always remembers her birthday.

This man I am living with saw me one day walking on the road and I was crying. He stopped and asked me what was the matter. I told him that there was an excursion at my school and I didn't have the money. He told me that he did not have enough money on him but he would take care of that for me. He also told me to get into his car. I was scared but he told me he would not harm me, so I got in and he dropped me at school. He gave me his phone number and told me to call him later that evening. I asked him if he didn't have a wife and he told me he would explain everything.

That evening, I borrowed my sister's phone and called him. He called me back and he told me to make sure that I wiped his number from my sister's phone. He told me that I would get the money the following day and he would also buy me a phone. I did not know that he was much older. He gave me the money the following day and also gave me a new cell phone. This man paid for my graduation. I never thought I would graduate in a gown but he paid for everything and he told me how much he loves me. I told my parents that I had met a man and all my father said was "Be careful." I went to his apartment one Friday evening and that was it. I never returned home. This man made me feel so special. He has two children but they are living in Canada with their mother.

This man made me feel so good. Everything he told me was too good to be true. I went home for my belongings, I packed everything I have in scandal bags and I moved in with him. My mother told me that I was not ready to live with a man but I told her I was prepared to try. When this man and I met, I was a virgin but not any more. I have two younger sisters and sometimes they come and stay with me. Whenever they visit me, they don't want to go back home.

My boyfriend tells me I should let them stay as long as I want, but I can't allow that because they have to go to school. This man's wife and children call him every week but they do not know that I am living with him and he told me that the time will come when they would have to know. He has filed for divorce and he is paying for me to go to college. I will forever love this man. I told him I do not want him to get me pregnant and he said he knows that I wouldn't want a child, but he is not ready to father another child yet. I am on the Pill but he still uses the condom.

My mother has never visited me but my father has, and he likes it there.

N.T.

Dear N.T,

You have met a very responsible man. So far, he has behaved as a decent man. He has not tried to fool you, but what he has done is to woo you.

Now you find yourself helplessly in love with him. You are living in his apartment and that was something that you didn't expect just a few years ago. You have everything to your convenience and the good thing about it is that it is not because of you why he has filed for divorce, so you do not have to feel guilty. If you have done anything to take him away from his wife, you probably would feel guilty.

I hope that he would keep his word and not impregnate you until he has married you. In any case, he is sending you to school, so you have a couple of years to complete your course. You have a good relationship with your parents - may such a relationship last.

I wish you well.

Pastor