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Dear Pastor,

I am a 43-year-old man and I have three children with my wife. This woman is not Jamaican, but all my children were born in Jamaica. I was in America but I was forced to return to Jamaica.

My children have American visas, so they are there with my wife and I am alone in Jamaica. I do not have a house here, but I have a lot of land, which I bought years ago. I am hoping to build a house. I am not able to send money to my wife for the children every month, but I do my best.

Relatives have told me that they know that my wife is seeing another man. Before hearing that she is seeing somebody, I did not give up on her. I know now that my relatives will not lie on her.

I asked one of my children if my wife goes out often with a man and she said yes, I asked whether the man is sleeping at the house and she said yes. She said I should not let her mother know what she told me. So, now I know for sure that my marriage has ended.

When I got married, I thought it would be forever. Sometimes when I consider my situation, I regret not marrying to a Jamaican woman. My wife is much more educated than I am. Sometimes when we are having conversations, she would say that she was wasting her time talking to me because I would not understand.

I got myself in trouble with the law because I was doing my very best to support my family. I am trying to start over, but it is hard. I have an old woman who cleans my house and cooks for me. I have been going to church and trying to live a decent life. I have insurance and my wife is the beneficiary. I want to remove her as my beneficiary.

I am longing to see my children. Do you think I should let my wife know that I heard that she is seeing another man? I have to blame myself for lots of things, but since coming home to Jamaica, I have not got myself entangled with any woman. They have come around me, but when they come I have told them that I am broke.

These young women want money. Whatever money I have is to keep me going and to buy material for the house I want to build. Very soon, I am going to buy sand, gravel and steel to start my house.

Two brothers from the church I am now attending have promised to help me with the building. I do not want my wife back in my life because I have lost trust in her.

N. C

Dear N.C

You did not say that you are a deportee, but I presume that you are. If you are not, I must ask you to forgive me from judging you wrongfully. You said you got yourself into trouble. What trouble?

You have returned to Jamaica empty handed. Perhaps it is good that your children are now abroad. It seems to me that the love you have for your wife has turned into hate, and to me, that is very sad. If indeed she has another man in her life, perhaps she is seeking financial help from him.

Your daughter who spoke to you about her mother knows what is going on, but she has cautioned you not to divulge that you got some of the information from her. Your relatives know the truth and they have told you. It is not to make you unhappy, but to help you make the right decisions.

When couples get married, only death should separate them. But there are times when divorce becomes a necessity, so if you do not wish to have a reconciliation with your wife, then a divorce may become a necessary evil.

If your wife wants the relationship with you to continue, I am sure she could visit you as often as possible if you are unable to travel.

I am glad that you are attending church and that the brothers there are willing to help you build a house.

I wish you well. Try and keep calm and don't allow your problems to destroy you psychologically and even physically. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor