ÐÓ°ÉÐÔ°É

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a boyfriend. We have been friends for a more than seven months. He is 20.

He loves me so much that if we don't talk for one day, he gets upset. Sometimes I am busy assisting my parents. They are business people and that business has put me through high school. I plan to enter university this September. I like this guy very much, but it is not possible to talk to him every day. When I get home at nights and shower, I cannot always talk to him because it is not convenient. I share a room with my younger sister who is 16 and I do not always want her to know who I am talking to.

One day my boyfriend told me that he would take me out for lunch, so I asked my parents for a little extra time during my lunch break. This guy took me to a hotel and begged me for sex. I told him I have never had sex and I was not prepared for sex. He said well, he had already paid for the room, so what are we going to do. I told him we should leave and we would have sex another time. I am of light complexion. He had me on the bed and was kissing me. I was not even conscious of what was happening. When I got up, I had hickeys all over my neck. I asked him why he had to do that, and he said he did not mean to mark me up like that. I did not know what to do because I had to go back to work and I know my mother would wonder what happened to me. I let my hair down to help hide the neck marks. I was so angry with this guy; he kept saying sorry.

When I got back to work, my mother did not say anything to me, but the following day she asked me where I went. I did not know how to answer. I told her I did not know the name of the restaurant; she did not comment. I have not given my boyfriend another chance to have sex with me, so now he is accusing me of having another man but I don't. I am a Christian, and he is supposed to be a Christian too, but he doesn't behave like one. He told me he has had sex with different women. He has even threatened that if I can't make time for him, he will go back to one of his women. He said that she has a boyfriend, but she is only putting up with him until she can find another man. I told my boyfriend that I am surprised that she would have such a conversation with him although they are no longer intimate. He said she is trying to get him back.

I am afraid to have sex with him. All my boyfriend talks about is sex and that scares me. He wants us to go out with friends before I start university, but I am reluctant to say that to my parents. Should I continue in this relationship or break it up?

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

I am glad that you are planning to attend university and that you are working.

I am sure you are learning the business of your parents. Concerning this young man who you consider to be your boyfriend, you should know by now that he does not have any respect for you. How could he invite you for lunch and then take you to a hotel and try to have sex with you? I don't mean to imply that so-called decent young men don't take their girlfriends or other women to hotels and carry on with them during their lunchtime.

Some years ago, a woman who attended a counselling session with me admitted that she was cheating on her husband. She told me that she was able to be with this side man during lunchtime at a certain hotel. However, she ran out of luck when she was caught having sex with the man at her house.

Please forgive me for what I am about to say. You didn't have to write this letter. From the incident at the hotel, you should have dropped this young man like hot bread. You should have told him to get lost and blocked him from calling your phone. He is not a person of integrity. Don't even consider going anywhere with him. If you do, you will regret doing so in years to come.

Because your mother didn't ask you any questions about the hickeys on your neck, that doesn't mean that she did not see them. Girl, you will find a man. But the one who is knocking at your door is trash. That is all I have to say at this moment.

Pastor