Parents want me to dump my boyfriend - They say he’s not on my level
Dear Pastor,
I am 24 and I am the last child for my parents. I am still living at home. I graduated from university and came back to live with my parents because my siblings are all living abroad.
I save a lot of money by living at home. My parents are still strong and active. However, I am having a problem with them because they do not like my boyfriend.
My parents are middle class people. They have very good investments. They are educated and they have educated all their children.
Before I went to university, I had a boyfriend, but we broke up. He got involved in using drugs. He was always asking me to come to spend weekends with him although he knew that was not something I wanted to do. When I told my parents that we broke up and I gave them the reason, they told me that I should allow him to do what he wanted to do. Soon after, I found out that a girl was living with him.
I have been without a boyfriend for two years, but now I have started to have a relationship with another guy. My parents told me that they are not comfortable with my choice. This guy comes from a poor family and he is not educated. He is 26 years old. His English is not good, but he is trying.
My parents told me that I am bringing down the family name, and that this guy is not someone I will be proud of. They want to know how he would fit in the family.
My father said I should remember that I cannot teach an old dog new tricks. I invited him home for dinner, but I did so when my parents were not there. I set the table and showed him how to use the knife and fork. We had a good time together.
My parents want to know what I have seen in this man. I don't know how to answer that question. All I can tell you, as I have told them, I love this man from my heart. I go to bed thinking about him. He has been attending church, but not the one I attend. I don't want him to attend my church until I know for sure that this relationship can work.
I am still a virgin. If I had continued with the guy who started to use drugs, I would have lost my virginity long ago.
My present boyfriend has two children with two different women -- one is four years old and the other is two. I told my parents that he has two children and my mother said I should prepare myself to have problems with the mothers of these children.
This man works very hard. I met him when I took my car to be serviced at a garage. I call him whenever I am having any issue with my car. I am not looking for anything from this man because he doesn't have anything that I would want, apart from him.
He does not know his father but he supports his mother, which is something that I admire. How do you see this relationship? Please, don't tell me to leave him. If you do, I will stop reading your column.
K.T.
Dear K.T.,
Don't you know that I am a person who speaks my mind? So to tell me that you will stop reading my column if I should tell you to leave this young man is a foolish threat. I do not, at all, doubt that you have a genuine love for this man. However, this relationship is not one that you should be proud of.
As I read your letter, I thought about what the Bible says about being unequally yoked. I have often said to people that couples who may be Christians can be unevenly yoked and by that I mean their socio-economic status may not be on the same level. The people in the relationship, therefore, might be far apart from each other.
I knew a couple who became my friends. The man was a hard worker but his wife constantly complains to me how much she regretted marrying him because she was educated and he was not. She felt that she had stepped down and she should have married someone who was formally trained.
I will say to you that although you love your present boyfriend, you should not ignore the warnings that your parents have given to you. They don't hate this young man but they see some red lights, and they prefer if you look elsewhere. They know that you are old enough to make your own decision. If you are wise, you would listen to them.
You need a man in your life that can make you proud. You don't want me to say that you should leave this man, but I am sure you can read through the lines what I am saying.
Pastor